Food

This Disaster is the Worst “Pizza” We’ve Ever Seen

by Michael Walsh
Jul 17 2019 • 1:34 PM

I take foodOpens in a new tab very seriously. Too seriouslyOpens in a new tab if I am being completely honestOpens in a new tab. However, I am not a snob about it. Want to go to a fancy steak house? Let’s do it. A deep fried oreo covered in whipped cream? Definitely. Need a dummy to eat jam and ground beef? WHY NOTOpens in a new tab. I love any and all kinds of food, no matter how low or high brow it might be, which is why I take all kinds very seriously. There are right ways and wrong ways to order certain things, and also how to consume them. There are some non-negotiable standards, and there’s a major one when it comes to pizza. Which is why, even though it’s not the fault of the restaurant who served it, this “crust only” pie is the worst I have ever seen.

Don’t believe me? Well look at this TRAVESTY!


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Special request for @therealkiss ❗️ Who else like Crust only? ?Opens in a new tab

A post shared by Cuts & SlicesOpens in a new tab (@cutsandslicesnyc) on

Wars have been started over less. I think.

This monstrosity, which Ben Roazen had the audacity to share on TwitterOpens in a new tab, was ordered by rapper and former member of The Lox, JadakissOpens in a new tab. The poor, wonderful souls at Cuts & SlicesOpens in a new tab in Brooklyn, who are only trying to make a living by giving the masses delicious pizza while fulfilling their customers wishes (so don’t blame them), obliged this insane request. But this is where it gets even worse.

They made a normal pizza and then cut out the middle. So they were forced to mutilate their own creation because somebody doesn’t know about “cheesy bread.” Ugh. This is less of a pie than “None Pizza With Left BeefOpens in a new tab,” and that was intentionally a disaster.

And what happened to the middle, which apparently no one in Jadakiss’s life would have enjoyed despite the fact it’s pizza? The restaurant said they ate it themselves, and I don’t know if that makes me more or less upset.

Okay doesn’t matter. Just saw the three cups of sauce in the “middle” and now I’m more upset. This…this is not a pizza. I’m not a food snob; put whatever you want on yours – pineapple, corn, bananas, tuna, etc. – but there still needs to be an actual pizza to put it on.

That’s one rule we should all take very seriously.

Featured Image: Sony