In my younger years there might have been an occasion—heck, maybe even two—when I tried to hide the fact I’d enjoyed a few too many adult beverages by sucking on a whole bunch of mints. Did it work? Did a strong whiff of lager and rum mixed with Altoids Peppermint fool anyone? Probably not, but even if it did, I wouldn’t remember. What I do know is that a new kind of mint hitting the market would only have made my past (and, lets be honest, future) attempts more futile. Miller Lite Beer Mints will give you beer breath without the alcohol.
This month Miller Lite will sell its first-ever mint. (What took so long!?) Starting on January 12, beer lovers can order a 1.13-ounce tin of mints for $5. And yes, these taste just like Miller Lite beer. Here’s what Miller Lite said about this unusual product in a press release:
At first taste, consumers will be greeted with the freshness of mint, but once chewed, they’ll notice the subtle, yet great taste of Miller Lite that leaves consumers’ breath feeling fresh and their taste buds hoppy. With Beer Mints, beer lovers ‘can chew their brew’ without consuming a drop of beer and enjoy some fresh breath in the process.
The company says it’s launching them now so people participating in “Dry January” can have a “fresh start” to the new year without breaking their no alcohol pledge. The mints won’t make it to the end of January, though. They will only be available while supplies last. Miller Lite (correctly) knows these will sell out quickly, so it will drop a second batch on January 19. Those who hope to get a tin will need to be 21+ to order them.
If you are among the lucky few, we have a suggestion that is probably best thought of as a demand. Mints are supposed to cover up beer breath, not create it. So, if you pop a couple of Miller Lite Beer Mints into your mouth please don’t drive or operate heavy machinery. You’ll be sober, yes. But who the hell will believe you? I couldn’t fool anyone with mints that didn’t taste like beer.