I take food very seriously. Too seriously if I am being completely honest. However, I am not a snob about it. Want to go to a fancy steak house? Let’s do it. A deep fried oreo covered in whipped cream? Definitely. Need a dummy to eat jam and ground beef? WHY NOT. I love any and all kinds of food, no matter how low or high brow it might be, which is why I take all kinds very seriously. There are right ways and wrong ways to order certain things, and also how to consume them. There are some non-negotiable standards, and there’s a major one when it comes to pizza. Which is why, even though it’s not the fault of the restaurant who served it, this “crust only” pie is the worst I have ever seen.
Don’t believe me? Well look at this TRAVESTY!
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Wars have been started over less. I think.
This monstrosity, which Ben Roazen had the audacity to share on Twitter, was ordered by rapper and former member of The Lox, Jadakiss. The poor, wonderful souls at Cuts & Slices in Brooklyn, who are only trying to make a living by giving the masses delicious pizza while fulfilling their customers wishes (so don’t blame them), obliged this insane request. But this is where it gets even worse.
They made a normal pizza and then cut out the middle. So they were forced to mutilate their own creation because somebody doesn’t know about “cheesy bread.” Ugh. This is less of a pie than “ None Pizza With Left Beef,” and that was intentionally a disaster.
Happy 10th birthday to None Pizza With Left Beef pic.twitter.com/dmmA67HeIh
— n1dy @ home (@Nydylla) October 19, 2017
And what happened to the middle, which apparently no one in Jadakiss’s life would have enjoyed despite the fact it’s pizza? The restaurant said they ate it themselves, and I don’t know if that makes me more or less upset.
Okay doesn’t matter. Just saw the three cups of sauce in the “middle” and now I’m more upset. This…this is not a pizza. I’m not a food snob; put whatever you want on yours – pineapple, corn, bananas, tuna, etc. – but there still needs to be an actual pizza to put it on.
That’s one rule we should all take very seriously.
Featured Image: Sony