The website Jezebel made an impression on Twitter earlier this week when they published an article addressing a topic we’re all inherently curious about: the level of horniness in each of the Star Wars movies. Shockingly, the site dubbed Attack of the Clones, the second prequel film, to be the horniest of the main saga, citing the “sexual tension” between Padme and Anakin as a deciding factor. That’s all well and fair–Attack of the Clones is loaded with will-they-won’t-they moments, although we might argue the tension is a little on the “PG” side–but the real head-scratcher in the article comes from an even more shocking declaration. The site said that Rian Johnson’s The Last Jedi, the latest film in the sequel trilogy, is “super not horny.”
With all due respect, we steadfastly disagree with this assessment. Not only is The Last Jedi insanely horny, it is, we’d argue, the most horny of any film set in the galaxy far, far away. There are a number of things that lead us to this conclusion, but for the sake of rational explanation, we’ll break them down into segments.
All of that–ahem–anatomical imagery
The horniness of The Last Jedi may not jump off the screen in the form of literal kisses or the out-loud expression of feelings, but it’s a film drenched in symbolism. In a lot of ways, the film continues the “awakening” of Rey, which began in The Force Awakens, set just moments before The Last Jedi begins. In the previous film, Rey first came to accept her preternatural connection to the Force, the unseen energy that binds all life. Its burgeoning inside of her is symbolic of her adolescent awakening. “Star Wars boils down to the transition from adolescence into adulthood,” Johnson told Empire back in 2017. “That’s the heart of these films and Rey is most obviously the one that hangs on.”
So much of Rey’s journey is synonymous with sexual development. The tree she enters near the film’s beginning, along with the cave where she witnesses her own mirrored image, and the scene where she dips her hand into the power of the Force, all evoke anatomy and sexuality. And while sexual burgeoning doesn’t automatically equal horniness (although… it kind of does), it certainly sets the stage for Rey’s journey in the film.
Rey and Kylo
Regardless of where you fall on the “Reylo” spectrum, it’s pretty hard to deny that the film is teasing the sexual tension between the two. Throughout the film, they share a “Force bond,” which allows them to communicate telepathically. They appear to one another, sometimes in intimate moments–like when Kylo is shirtless in his First Order quarters–and always when they’re at their most vulnerable. They are able to feel the elements the other is experiencing, like when Rey stands before the ocean and water splashes onto Kylo’s face. (Another bit of sexually charged imagery, as he then wipes the water off with a leather glove, and watches it drip between his fingers.)
Johnson himself even referred to the moment when Rey and Kylo touch hands through the Force as “the closest thing we’ll get to a sex scene in a Star Wars movie.”
The tension culminates in the throne room scene, where Kylo kills the evil Snoke and, along with Rey, fights off his red-armored guards. The scene is about a step away from being a full-blown sex scene; Rey grabs Kylo’s leg as they fight in unison. The scene even ends with the explosion of a lightsaber, which sends sparks throughout the room. The moment is quashed right away, when it’s that clear Kylo hasn’t actually turned to the light. But the lingering tension between the two looks to continue into The Rise of Skywalker. The Last Jedi sets that stage plenty.
Poe and Holdo
This one is a little more interpretive, and we can probably blame it on the natural sex appeal of both Laura Dern and Oscar Issac, but there’s definitely something to the rivalry between Poe Dameron and Admiral Holdo. In their first interaction, she calls him a “trigger-happy fly boy” and notes his bravado and “danger.” She practically purrs when she rattles off the qualities that make him both a beloved member of the Resistance and a threat to their safety. This power-play recurs throughout the movie, and is always loaded with tension. Are Poe and Holdo horny for each other? Who’s to say, but there’s more enough to read into to make us say “yes, duh.”
Poe and Finn
“Finn, naked, leaking, bag.”
I mean, enough said. One of the most popular ‘ships from The Force Awakens also gets some time to shine here. We love that Poe’s trusted droid BB-8 was kind enough to let Poe know that Finn was naked as he walked through the Resistance ship in his bacta suit. It’s a fine continuation of the tension that began the moment the two encountered each other in the previous movie.
Both Oscar Isaac and John Boyega teased that Poe and Finn will get more time together in The Rise of Skywalker, which means their prime horny time may lay ahead.
Rose and Finn
It feels a little weird to call this sweet pairing “horny” because it’s more about innocent kisses and crushes. But we’ll count it even still, because Rose’s love for Finn is the most evident in the film. And where there’s romance, there’s at least a little bit of horniness between the lines. So this one definitely counts.
There’s probably even more horniness in The Last Jedi (Kylo putting Rey in handcuffs, Leia telling Poe to get his head out of his “cockpit,” etc.) but we’ll leave it there for now. As you can see, this is certainly the horniest Star Wars movie. It’s really not even close.
Images: Disney, Lucasfilm