Somebody once told you Universal’s gonna rebootThe Shrek and Puss in Boots franchiseIf they’re looking for a new song to replace the catchy old oneWe think we this list of annoying tracks will sufficeSorry, we know making you read that (which you definitely did in tune) got Smash Mouth‘s “All Star” stuck in your head, where it has lived for nearly two decades. The first Shrek movie took an inexplicable hit that should have been lost to time and transformed it into a curse mankind is doomed to live with forever. Now Comcast wants to relaunch the films with new stories, which means they’ll need a song that can honor Smash Mouth’s weird legacy. And hey now! We have some tracks we think are all-stars at also being annoyingly catchy.
Avril Lavigne – “Sk8er Boi”
No matter how much I’d like to forget it, this pop-punk hit from Avril Lavigne instantly plays in our heads if we hear someone mention it. It’s so annoying its spelling even bothers people. It would also be a fitting choice because, just like the original Shrek, it came out in 2001. That’s right, this song is now 17 years old, which also bugs the hell out of us.
Justin Bieber – “Baby”
I could easily point out how literally everything about Justin Bieber annoys us, but he does make some decent music. That includes this early career earworm, whose most memorable lyrics are “Baby, baby, baby, oh/Like baby, baby, baby no/Like baby, baby, baby ooh.” Dammit now we’re humming it.
Hanson – “MMMbop”
At some point everyone develops Stockholm Syndrome with Hanson’s teeny bopper mega-hit that you could not go more than five minutes without hearing in the late ’90s. Is it objectively good? No idea. Does it have any actual artistic merit? Couldn’t tell you. All we know is “MMMbop” is forever.
Carly Rae Jepsen – â€œCall Me Maybeâ€
You could never hear this song again and it wouldn’t matter, you are never going to be free of it. This 2012 hit is so contagious it has settled into our bone marrow, and anytime you hear the phrases, “I just met you,” “This is crazy,” or, “Here’s my number,” you sing “So call me maybe!” whether you want to or not.
James Blunt – “You’re Beautiful”
Normally catchy songs are upbeat, the kind of tracks that make it impossible not to tap your toes even while you say how much you hate them. What makes James Blunt’s slow, saccharine track truly special is that it’s a catchy while also putting us to sleep. That’s next level obnoxious.
Baja Men – “Who Let the Dogs Out”
The late ’90s were so much weirder than we realized at the time. This 1999 hit got played on every single radio station and became perhaps the most ubiquitous pre-Y2K song. Time for a Baha Men comeback.
Vengaboys â€“ “We Like To Party”
Did you remember this band was called the Vengaboys? Or this song’s title is “We Like to Party?” How could you possibly forget? It’s the musical manifestation of a virus, the kind that bores itself into your brain, latches on, and lays eggs that make you dance. Bonus points, because in “All Star” tradition it also features the use of “hey now!”
Weezer – “Beverly Hills”
I really wanted to joke about how Weezer should do a cover of Smash Mouth’s other Shrek song, which itself was a cover of The Monkees’ “I’m a Believer.” But we couldn’t, because they already did for 2010’sÂ Shrek Forever After. Weezer is beyond parody. So we’re going with “Beverly Hills,” an actual Weezer song that sounds like a spot-on parody of a Smash Mouth song.
Spice Girls – “Wannabe”
I’m totally fine with some catchy songs being stuck in our heads forever, like the Spice Girls “Wannabe.” In fact, we like this song way more than we did when it first came out and was overplayed. There’s a zero percent chance I’d ever change it if it came on the radio now.
Coldplay – “Viva la Vida”
Coldplay, at worst, is a fine band, but lots of people just seem to be bothered by them. Would putting the imminently catchy “Viva la Vida” into a Shrek movie make Colpdplay more or less irksome? We don’t know, but it would be fun to find out.
Creed – “Higher”
We might make fun of Smash Mouth, but we don’t really hate them. Not like we do Creed, the number one band from that era who drove us insane with their run of awful hit songs. You aren’t going to do better/worse than their obnoxious “Higher,” which sits near the top on the all-time annoying song chartThat song is so bad we’d prefer Shrek just use “All Star” again.What catchy song do you think would be the perfect, spiritual successor to “All Star?” Smash our comments with your most appropriately annoying track.