If you saw Infinity War (and you almost certainly did), you’re probably still reeling over Thanos’ fateful finger snap. And why wouldn’t you be? It’s likely that or more of your favorite inhabitants of the MCU got vaporized. And, given that, you have to wonder about the fate of everyone else. Who among The Other Guys—the celebrity cameos, the comic relief, and the bit players who appeared onscreen, made an impact, and slipped away, never to be seen again—is still alive in the post-snap universe?
Here’s our take on who Thanos may have spared and who didn’t make the cut. This is purely speculation and extremely unscientific, but I have my reasons for believing what I do, and I’ll try to justify them herein.
(Before you ask why a certain S.H.I.E.L.D. tech isn’t listed, Joe Russo revealed in an Uproxx interview that Galaga Guy is a confirmed casualty. Thanks, Joe!)
JUSTIN HAMMER & CHRISTINE EVERHART: ELIMINATED
Justin Hammer (Sam Rockwell) is the highlight of an otherwise so-so movie. Christine Everhart (Leslie Bibb) is a journalist with a (reasonable) vendetta against Tony that carries over from Iron Man and Iron Man 2 into a sort of smear campaign against all Avengers. They’re both a lot of fun in their own ways, but they’re far from indispensable, and they’re certainly not immune to vaporization. Oh, and Pepper Potts made it, but Pepper Potts is not an Other Guy.
SECURITY GUARD: SPARED
If there is any justice in the post-Infinity War world, then the late Harry Dean Stanton’s unassuming security guard is somewhere safe, happy, and rubble-free. I’m betting on justice, just this once.
BENNIE POLLACK & CLAIRE WISE: ELIMINATED
As you may recall, Bennie (Jesse Bradford) and Claire (Lizzy Caplan) co-starred as bank robbers equipped with Chitauri technology in “Item 47,” the Marvel One-Shot accompanying The Avengers. (Both of them were invited to join S.H.I.E.L.D. by the end of the short, which, sure.) Bennie and Claire were brighter than they looked, but that has no bearing here.
Anyone fannish enough about Tony Stark to get a tattoo of his face is inextricably connected to Tony Stark, who was spared. Therefore, so was Gary (Adam Pally), the cameraman who let Tony use his van in Iron Man 3. (Also, it’s what Adam Pally wants.)
THE MANDARIN: ELIMINATED
Not that it really matters in the grand scheme of things.
Between the two of them, Joe and Anthony Russo directed over 30 episodes of Community, in which Danny Pudi played Abed Nadir. Way back in 2014, the Russos explained that Pudi’s minute-long turn as Moore was a nod to Abed’s love of cameos (via Empire). Given that history, Moore should’ve been spared for the sake of future cameos. Plus, I’ve been an Abed stan for years. Let me have this one.
AARON THE APPLE STORE EMPLOYEE: ELIMINATED
Speaking of The Winter Soldier, remember when Steve and Natasha posed as mallrats to use a laptop at the Apple Store? And remember how Natasha did the deed while Steve had a stiff conversation with an overly enthusiastic employee (D.C. Pierson)? And remember how the employee paid more attention to Steve’s glasses than Steve’s striking resemblance to Captain America? Yeah, Aaron is a goner.
HELEN CHO: SPARED
Forget what I said about intelligence having no bearing on a person’s fate. Geneticist Helen Cho (Claudia Kim) is one of the highlights of Age of Ultron, and her rapport with the original Avengers lineup seems worth preserving.
AARON DAVIS: SPARED
Donald Glover must remain ubiquitous in all universes; the other guy named Aaron didn’t make it so this one should because, you know, 50/50; and in addition to popping up in Spider-Man: Homecoming, Glover played Troy Barnes on Community. This particular Aaron’s survival is inarguable.
COACH WILSON: SPARED
Eventually, Peter’s gym teacher (Hannibal Buress) will have to answer for calling Cap a war criminal, and we’’ll be there to see it.
TRUCK DRIVER/CHESS-PLAYING CURMUDGEON/BEAUTY PAGEANT JUDGE/SMITHSONIAN SECURITY GUARD/BARTENDER, ETC.: SPARED
Stan Lee transcends space and time to appear in every possible superhero movie. Stan Lee drives trucks, plays chess, tends bar, judges beauty pageants, and fails his employers at the Smithsonian. Stan Lee, within the confines of the MCU, is immortal. Thanos spared Stan Lee, and you’d be foolish to think otherwise.
What did we get right? What did we get wrong? Is there any way of knowing? Let us know in the comments!
Images: Marvel Studios