Toilet paper wouldn’t have been our number one guess for which items would be hardest to come by during a global pandemic. (Well, depending on the global pandemic, of course. If a violent strain of the stomach virus were going around, we assume buying Charmin would be similar to living inside Mad Max: Fury Road.) No one is immune to the toilet paper shortage, not even some of the biggest names in Hollywood. Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn has had to dip deep into his own reserves to take care of his bathroom needs. That might not be ideal for him, but it’s great for us. Because his backup toilet paper is covered with the face of Michael Rooker.
James Gunn showed off his custom-made Michael Rooker toilet paper on Twitter. He said he ordered rolls of them as a gag a few years ago when his friend, who has starred in many of Gunn’s films, came over for Christmas. Gunn put it all over his house, which sounds like both a wonderful and disturbing holiday “treat.” But the leftover TP is no laughing matter during COVID-19, which has turned toilet paper into a hard-to-find commodity. As a result Gunn says he is now using it for real.
Is this the opposite of good friends give each other “shit?” Also, if you had to wipe your own behind with any Michael Rooker character, which one would you choose? Yondu’s rough around the edges, so he’s out. And considering what happened to his hand, we wouldn’t be comfortable reaching to our backsides if The Walking Dead‘s Merle Dixon was adorning our toilet paper. We’ll have to think about that some more.
But one thing we don’t have to consider is the most obvious joke we can make about this whole thing. Everyone else made it immediately.
Mary Poopins, y'all— Lee West (@leewest82) March 25, 2020
This is the best joke though.
Who knew Yondu was an Assguardian.— Jim Ketchum (@jimketchum77) March 25, 2020
We also would have accepted “Michael Poo-ker.”
And we would also accept some of James Gunn’s special Rooker toilet paper. That stuff really is hard to find right now, even without a celebrity’s face on it.
Featured Image: AMC