Ah, the wands of Harry Potter. We’ve all seen them, and many of us probably own at least one of them.
As we know, the main cores of wands are either a unicorn hair, a phoenix feather, or the heartstring of a dragon, but on the outside, the possibilities for what the wand actually looks like are endless.
And so I come to you today to judge some of the most famous wands from the series by how aesthetically pleasing they are. The wand’s power or owner will not come into play here; I just want to talk about whether or not I like the way they look. Yes, I’m that petty. For reference, we will be running through a selection of the officially licensed collector’s wands released by The Noble Collection. There are a lot of wands, so this is only a selection. Don’t @ me.
Looks like a tree. Something my granola friends would be into, but it’s not for me. 4/10
Rugged. Manly. Would expect wielder to have amazing hair. 6/10
Looks like an unfinished art project from your stoner roommate who ran off to “find herself” with her boyfriend in the Appalachian mountains. 3/10
Reminds me of licorice. Can’t decide if that’s a good or bad thing. 5/10
Looks like a broomstick. Very on brand. 7/10
Dark, mysterious, sexy. Looks like a bedpost from the abandoned home of a woman who is rumored to have murdered her husband and now collects his life insurance. 7/10
Sleek. Shiny. The sports car of wands. 8/10
Simple, but the etching is badass. Looks like it’s seen some stuff, which I’m scared of but also into. 8/10
Bumpy. Wrinkly. Slightly triggers my trypophobia. 1/10
Classic. Elegant. We stan an early twentieth century aesthetic. 7/10
Looks like the most goth doily on a stick I’ve ever seen. 5/10
Asymmetrical, looks like a modern art piece I wouldn’t understand. Would be painful to step on. 4/10
Stunning. Iconic. That swirl? A piece of modern art I do understand. 9/10
Understated. For someone flirting with necromancy but hasn’t yet fully committed. 6/10
Bougie. Hot. Edgy. Would pair with a studded belt and a pair of Docs. 10/10
Incredibly straight and boring, just like him. 3/10
Too much going on. Be cohesive or be nothing. 2/10
You had me until the etchings. What are those, pizzas? 5/10
Death Eater Wand (Stallion)
A magnificent friend. The horse girls are shook. 9/10
Death Eater Wand (Snake)
Not only do I get a beautiful snake, but I get a fancy skeleton boi too? Sign me tf up. 10/10
Death Eater Wand (Swirl)
What am I looking at here? How am I supposed to hold this? A mess. 2/10
Death Eater Wand (Skull)
This is supposed to be intimidating? Looks like a cheap Halloween decoration from Party City. 1/10
Do you agree with these judgments? What would you want your wand to look like? Let us know in the comments!
Images: The Noble Collection