Where GAME OF THRONES’ ‘Ships Stand After Its Horniest Episode Ever

The following contains spoilers for  Game of Thrones’ “The Last of the Starks.”

Just two episodes of Game of Thrones remain, and with another battle coming up, it’s time to take a look at this week’s losses: by that, we mean, let’s pour one out for all of the couples who are no longer.

Gendry and Arya
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While there is something to be said for Gendry shooting his shot, as it were, there is also something to be said for taking things slow. Gendry proposed to Arya after one night together, shortly after he was pronounced Lord of Storm’s End. This was clearly moving things too quickly for Arya, who seemed pretty content with how their arrangement had worked before. Why does Westeros get so hung up on labels? Anyways, it’s clear that this relationship is on ice for now (pun intended), but we’ll see if another battle doesn’t bring the two back together.

Jon and Dany

Extremely “Cell Block Tango” from Chicago voice: I guess some couples just can’t handle their INCEST. Dany is feeling threatened by Jon, who *checks notes* doesn’t want to be king, despite everyone loving him and wanting to die for him? It’s annoying, and I get how Dany would feel a little jealous. It’s basically like in high school, when you studied really hard for a test and then one of the dumb boys in your class who didn’t study at all also got an A. Jon is also being put in the middle of his family and Dany, resolving to choose neither, when Dany is used to being the only one chosen for anything, ever. While Jon seems devoted to serving his queen, it’s not looking like he’ll be serving her in the bedroom. If you know what I mean.

Missandei and Greyworm
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Cool, another woman senselessly murdered for various character motivations!

Sam and Gilly
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They’re still together! One couple survives! Maybe they’ll get a happy ending.

Brienne and Jaime
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Talk about your all time botch. What began with a touching scene of unspoken attraction and understanding quickly devolved into Brienne pining over a boy and Jaime throwing away multiple seasons of character development. Perhaps Jaime is on the way to King’s Landing to kill Cersei once and for all, but did he have to leave Brienne like that? This was one of the most satisfying and then immediately disappointing outcomes. Hopefully, this ‘ship isn’t sunken for good, but it’ll be interesting to see how Jaime can explain all of his dip****tiness.

Cersei and Jaime
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Westeros’ hottest twincest is back on, baby!

Cersei and Euron
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Euron is being played so hard, but damn if I don’t enjoy watching him command a navy. Something about that sea air and his swagger on a boat. It’s good. I’m rooting for Euron and Cersei because they’re both truly terrible people. Sadly, with Jaime’s incoming return to King’s Landing, this ‘ship’s days are numbered. Euron has to die.

After bringing everyone together, Game of Thrones has destroyed most of its relationships to wear down our defenses and really hit us hard with whatever remaining character deaths are coming in the next two episodes. Also, the decision to have a bunch of these trysts blow up so close to the end of the series serves as a reminder that the show is and has always been about family. We’ll just have to wait and see if there are any additional sexy times and/or tearful reunions on the horizon.

What do you folks think? Did Game of Thrones really have to go that hard against its couples? Who do you hope makes it to the end? And do you love or hate Euron? Let’s discuss!

Images: HBO

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