By 2029 Chris Pratt will voice every iconic animated character for both film and television. By 2037 he’ll voice every animated character in every medium period. And by 2057 every human will sound exactly like him. That is unless we stop him now. Because after finding box office success as the voice of Emmet in The LEGO Movies, Hollywood decided he’s the only person it should hire to play famous animated characters. He’ll soon play both Super Mario and Garfield in new feature films. We don’t have to await, though, to imagine what he’ll sound like as that famous Italian plumber. Somebody has created a playable mod of the original Mario Bros. game that features the Pratt’s voice.
And it’s the first time in our lives we’re rooting for Bowser.
Game developer Woe Industries woke up one day and chose violence. It used GameMaker: Studio
to create Chris Pratt is Super Mario. (Which we first saw at Polygon.) It’s is a simple keyboard-playable run through of the real game’s first level. Exactly what you’d find if you plugged in your old Nintendo. Only, any time Mario does something you hear a line of dialogue from the Marvel and Jurassic World star. It’s a pretty funny bit for the most part. With a genuinely funny ending that works perfectly for both the game and the new Mario. And since the whole thing is quite (literally) playful, it isn’t inherently violent.
But since they made it so Pratt yells “jumping jacks” literally every single freaking time Mario jumps, this game will make you consider jumping into the ocean and swimming away from the internet forever. That will be the only way to ensure you don’t hurt someone (like me!) for telling you about this game. It’s not merely annoying. It’s aggressively infuriating. If this game had a second level our computer would be broken into many pieces already.
This maddening game does more than just give us a rage headache. It proves scientists are right. If one day Chris Pratt voices every single animated character none of us will survive the future.
Mamma mia! We must stop him now.