Hidden Valley’s Naughty Holiday Recipe Adds Ranch to Eggnog

Eggnog should be impeachable. It’s a delicious, creamy seasonal treat that can easily be altered to suit your own preferences. You can make it thicker or thinner. Low fat or a total calorie bomb. Alcoholic or suitable for kids. It’s why if you go to any grocery store in November or December, you’ll find countless varieties and flavors. But eggnog has its limits. Hidden Valley Ranch has more than proven that this year. Because the company’s Holiday RanchNog Kit is not just a fun name. The recipe really features ranch flavoring. Yes, this is ranch dressing Eggnog.

Hidden Valley has partnered with mixologists Whiskey and Rosemary for a Limited-Edition Holiday RanchNog Kit. The “ranchified take” on the seasonal staple “marries the creamy, slightly sweet elements of eggnog with the savory, cool, and herby flavors of ranch.” But despite what you would obviously think… This is not meant to be the liquid equivalent to coal. This is not something you serve to naughty children on Christmas. (Though maybe you should for the truly naughty ones?)

The—incredibly—already sold out $50 kit includes:

• 2 custom etched 8.5-ounce Libbey Irish HVR RanchNog Glass Coffee Mugs
• 2 Hidden Valley Original Ranch 1-ounce Salad Dressing & Seasoning Mix Packets
• A 2.5-ounce Stainless Steel Jigger
• 3×5″ Recipe Card Featuring the RanchNog Recipe from Whiskey and Rosemary

That recipe will net you two glasses of RanchNog. One for you and one for your mortal enemy. Whether you give them the free RANCHATARIAN bumper sticker that comes with it is really a personal decision between you and your forsaken god.

If you do love ranch and want to celebrate it in a less bizarre way, Hidden Valley also announced a new line of merchandise. You can snag items like a Hidden Valley Ranch suitcase, Yoga Lovers Kit, Pizza Lovers Kit, and regular old Ranch Night Kit.

Maybe just don’t toast to any of them with Ranch-flavored eggnog. That holiday drink is only nearly impeachable.