Hot Dog Candy Canes Are Here to Ruin the Holiday Season

Archie McPhee‘s novelty candy canes have fascinated us for years. Typically those sweet Christmas treats tastes good. But every holiday season the company asks: “ What if they didn’t?” That’s how the world ended up with such flavors as Mac & Cheese, Shiitake Mushroom, Clam, Pickle, and, fittingly for misbehaving children, Coal. And that’s just a fraction of Archie McPhee’s bizarre concoctions. You can also suck on Pizza, Sour Cream and Onion, Ketchup, Kale, and Sardine candy canes. And yet, it’s a new flavor that somehow sounds strangest of all. Not because it’s any weirder than previous options. Or because we think it would taste the worst. Not even close actually. It’s because we know what goes into making a normal hot dog. And we don’t want to think about what goes into a candy cane version.

A promo shot for Archie McPhee's Hot Dog Candy CanesArchie McPhee

This year Archie McPhee is ringing in the most wonderful time of the year with one of summer’s food staples. New Hot Dog Candy Canes (which we first heard about at Boing Boing) look like typical holiday fare. They don’t taste like it, though. Instead of those red and white lines representing peppermint, they’re hiding a hot dog flavor. Archie McPhee says you’ll “relish” a six-pack of the candy canes ($6.50).

We’re not so sure about that. No, wait, we are sure. We do not. But in case you’re on the fence here’s the official description of this unsettling food crossover:

“Hot Dog Candy Canes will remind you of school lunches and backyard BBQs. Instead of cookies this year, maybe Santa would prefer a wiener? Boiled, grilled or steamed, everybody loves a hot dog! Sure, traditionally they aren’t made from the highest quality meat, but it’s a nostalgic flavor that can’t be beat. Each pack of six 5-1/4″ tall candy canes has red and white stripes and tastes like a sweet, meaty hot dog.”

Yeah, we’re still sure we’ll pass on these. But not everyone agrees with us. Hot Dog Candy Canes are currently sold out. Obviously lots of people want to find out what goes into making one. Why we have no idea. Which is really what fascinates us the most.

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