For about a week now, we've known that the next film in the Star Wars franchise is going to be called Star Wars: The Last Jedi (there's a lot more we know about the movie, too). It's a promising title that's lead to a lot of speculation and, at least for one indie rock singer, disappointment (via Vulture).
In response to the title announcement, John Darnielle (frontman of The Mountain Goats) tweeted, "my five-year campaign to sell Rian on the title 'The Ultimate Jedi Who Wastes All the Other Jedi And Eats Their Bones' has come up short." This was enough to excite the imagination of The Last Jedi director Rian Johnson, who responded to Darnielle, "WRITE THIS SONG." Darnielle has proven he's an adept storyteller—most recently on The Mountain Goats' 2015 release Beat The Champ, a delightful concept album about wrestling—so he quickly got to work (that very afternoon, in fact).
All was silent on the cannibal Star Wars song front until earlier today, when Johnson tweeted, "So @mountain_goats and I were joking around, one thing led to another, he recorded this song and now it’s canon."
There have surely been very many Star Wars fan songs, but very few about cannibalism, and very few that have officially (and jokingly) been declared canon to the franchise. Now, we suddenly find ourselves a lot less excited about The Last Jedi as a movie title, and more upset we won't get a film based on lyrics like these: "At the end of all your days, one Jedi waits for you / With the dust of Jedi bones piled high like parsnips on his plate / With the dust of Jedi bones piled up like parsnips on his plate / Specifically just their bones, all their soft parts you can keep / It's the bones that have the calcium, so he says."
Whatever, I guess we're still looking forward to The Last Jedi.
Featured image: Lucasfilm