The pumpkin spice people have finally done it. They have finally gone too far. We were willing to accept the existence of Pumpkin Spice Spam. And we would have actually eaten Kraft Pumpkin Spice Mac & Cheese. But the newest culinary crossover featuring that fall season flavor is so weird it borders on abomination. Because Pumpkin Spice Cup Noodles sounds like a Mad Lib from the ninth gate of Food Hell.
Nissin, maker of Cup Noodles, has announced its newest variation—and the company knows it’s a weird one. The official description for this unholy variation of instant ramen noodles recognizes its product’s inherent absurdity. That is until you read the last line. Then it goes from silly to genuinely upsetting. You’ll see:
“There’s a fine line between genius and insanity…Care to cross it with us? Cup Noodles jumps on the Pumpkin Spice crazy train with a special pumpkin seasoning that’s the perfect blend of sweet, savory and spiced. These saucy noodles are ready with just a splash of water and four minutes in the microwave. For the full pumpkin spice experience, top it with whipped cream for the quickest, tastiest and most outlandish pumpkin spice in-a-cup experience you never knew you needed!”
Add whipped cream. To your instant ramen. Whipped cream. Whipped cream.
The government might need to get involved. At the very least we’re calling the FBI to make sure they know about this. But if you’d much rather eat this than report it, you’ll be able to get yours at Walmart starting in October. Which is appropriate. Not because its the month when pumpkins get to shine, but because it’s the scariest month of the year. When frightening ghosts, ghouls, and demons roam the land.
This Halloween, though, nothing will be as scary as Pumpkin Spice Cup Noodles. Except whatever bizarre food crossover trumps it.