Until now it has been a joyous holiday season for Lindsay Lohan. She starred in Netflix’s very own Lifetime-esque movie Falling for Christmas. Unfortunately that feel-good film will not be what defines her 2022 December. Instead that (dis)honor will go to her new feel-bad Pepsi commercial. Somehow the soft drink giant has marred the sweet, simple, and seemingly incorruptible act of leaving milk and cookies out for Santa Claus. Because there’s no way anyone asked Kris Kringle for milk mixed with cola.
Titled “That Is One Dirty Soda, Santa,” Pepsi’s new holiday season ad adds nothing to the holiday season. It opens with beautiful home decorated in good cheer. (So far so good.) An unseen person in their pajamas then tiptoes downstairs to where they’ve left half a glass of milk and some delicious looking cookies for Old Saint Nick. (Still good.) However, this is when things go very wrong. (So, so, horribly wrong.) Santa, possibly upset over just getting half a glass, cracks open a can of Pepsi and pours it into the milk.
Obviously whomever Santa left this unholy concoction for is on his naughty list, right? Wrong! Pepsi wants us to believe—as if we could—this is a present for Lindsay Lohan, who gleefully drinks the “Dirty Soda.” We’re then greeted by a tagline only the Grinch (pre-heart growth) could enjoy, “Pilk and Cookies.”
Get it? Pilk, as in “milk + Pepsi.” Yeah, we agree: bah humbug!
Good thing she drank it immediately. Milk and soda eventually curdles. HMMM curdled pilk! God bless us, everyone, indeed.
Look, we know some people actually enjoy this mixture and that’s fine. We all like weird stuff. (Heck, I just praised pecan pie pizza.) You should enjoy Christmas, Pepsi, and milk your own way, just as we’ll enjoy all three like normal people. We’d just prefer to ignore this is a thing some people drink. Not thinking about pilk would be enough of a present this year.