Star Wars: The Last Jedi may no longer be in theaters, but in a way, it will always be with us. Literally, on Blu-ray and DVD, and figuratively in our hearts and souls as we collectively grapple with our feelings on everything from porgs to green milk. But perhaps nothing is seared into our eye holes quite like the reveal that was Kylo Ren without a shirt. A moment which, at its zeitgeist zenith, was a meme of epic proportions. But surely that moment has passed? THINK AGAIN. None can contain the might that is Kylo Ren’s slicked-up torso.
Now with summer right around the corner, you know what that means. It is time for hilarious novelty shirts that give you the Perfect Body™. But why settle for boring abs when you could instead be everyone’s favorite human Pop-Tart, Kylo Ren? That’s right. For the low, low price of $23.08+ tax, you too can make all the Jedi girls extremely uncomfortable during your Space-Skype calls. Enjoy the sensation of knowing everyone is judging you for your fashion-forward sense of style when it comes to wearing your pants way too high. Marvel at the freedom of experiencing sultry oiled-up abs without the mess of actually dipping your body into vat of lubricant. Behold this shirt in all its glory, then head over to Cool Shirtz to get your own. Or don’t. I’m a writer, not a Space Cop.
Now if only Star Wars would set part of Episode IX on a beach planet that isn’t being destroyed in a war between an overpowered Empire and plucky yet desperate Rebellion, the cast could show us what swimwear looked like in a galaxy far, far away. For, um, science. Yeah. Science.
Are you going to don this Driver on your chest? Let us know in comments.
Kylo, Kylo, Kylo…
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