On Sunday night’s episode of Last Week Tonight, John Oliver devoted a 25-minute segment to talking about the relationship between the United States and North Korea, which you’ve surely heard has now become so tense that use of nuclear weapons is growing as a legitimate concern. At the end of the segment, Oliver decides it would be best to try and dissipate our misunderstandings “through the international language of accordion.” Oliver isn’t much of an accordion player himself, but he knows somebody who very famously is: “Weird Al” Yankovic.
Accompanied by a full polka band (beginning at around 24:30 into the video above), Weird Al begins the upbeat song: “Would you annihilate us if you had the chance / That’s such an antisocial thing to do / You got us crapping our collective pants / I suggest you take it down a notch or two.” The hook is where the big request comes in: “Please don’t nuke us North Korea / Right now we’re all a little tense / Believe me, we don’t hate you / Frankly, we don’t think that much about you, no offense.”
Elsewhere in the song, Weird Al makes other compelling points: “We’re not savages or cannibals, well maybe just a really, really, really small percent,” they shouldn’t “turn us into cinder while we’re swiping right on Tinder,” and if they bomb us, that means they’re bombing Tom Hanks, and “nobody doesn’t like Tom Hanks.”
That sounds like a bunch of solid reasons not to bomb us. So, if you’re reading this, North Korea… don’t do it, thanks.
Featured image: Last Week Tonight/YouTube