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Pickle-Flavored Candy Canes Make More Sense Than Coal-Flavored Ones

Pickle-Flavored Candy Canes Make More Sense Than Coal-Flavored Ones

UPDATE: As though mac and cheese and clam-flavored candy canes (CLAM!) weren’t weird enough, there are even more weird holiday “treats” available at Archie McPhee. Yes, of course they have bacon ones, but they also have pickle-flavored candy canes and ones that tastes like a rotisserie chicken? Who hasn’t wanted those before? Oh, no one ever, right.

At least those are real flavors we would eat otherwise though. “Coal” definitely is not (smoke and cinnamon), nor is “Krampus” (smoky cinnamon). Those sound like something Nathan Fielder invented.

If these are all too strange for you to try, you could always go with the complete opposite. They also sell a giant “Bah Humbug” candy cane. It is completely white and flavorless.

Hmm, no flavor, the perfect palate cleanser after we choke down our clam and coal candy canes.

We are not opposed to weird foodstuffs. We’re often intrigued by them, and sometimes we genuinely love them. Unusual recipes and strange combinations occasionally lead to surprisingly delectable culinary delights, but at the very least they offer interesting dining experiences.

But this is not one of those times. We have come across a novelty food item we aren’t merely confused or upset by; it has left us in an existential quandary, questioning the very nature of life. Because who is it that wants mac and cheese-flavored candy canes?

The unholy merger between two wonderful comfort foods that should probably never, ever, ever have been combined comes from Archie McPhee. This six-pack of “treats” ($5.95) looks like a normal box of candy canes, and if you picked one up without knowing anything about it you might think their yellow and white design might signify a typical candy-friendly flavor like lemon, or banana, or literally anything but mac and cheese. You know, since candy canes are a traditional Christmas sweet and not a lick-able savory hard cheese.

Obviously these have the potential to be really disgusting, which is why we have some questions: What are we even doing at this point? Who needs this? Who wants it? Who is this for? Why do these exist? Does life have any meaning?

Those are all very reasonable questions, but we doubt we want the answers, because these have proved to be such a hit Archie McPhee has added this note to their page: “Because of their extreme popularity, we are limiting Mac & Cheese Candy Canes to a maximum of one (1) per customer.”

Nothing makes sense. Not these candy canes, not why they were made in the first place, and definitely not why people are buying them. Now we know exactly how Dr. Manhattan felt sitting on Mars. Of course, if life has no meaning there’s probably no reason not to try these, right? The very existence of these candy canes show we have nothing to lose. And who knows: maybe they’re somehow great?

Would you eat these, or are these too weird to try? Satiate our desire to hear your thoughts in our comments below.

Images: Archie McPhee

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