The “You Can Only Keep 3” Meme is Twitter’s Sophie’s Choice

Right now the biggest choice many of us face each day is whether to wear our “good” sweatpants or not. It’s not exactly a high stakes decision. But that’s more than okay considering current events. We aren’t in the mood to be risking anything at the moment. That might be why so many have latched on to Twitter‘s latest time filling activity, the “You Can Only Keep 3” meme. It gives us something to talk about without anything of consequence actually being on the line. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. It has us doing some deep soul-searching about what we truly value in life and pop culture.

And we’re not always happy with the answers we come up with.

The “You Can Only Keep 3” format is easy. Typically you’re presented with nine similar options, and you only pick/keep three of them, with the understanding the rest will then disappear forever. For example, in this first ’90s Nickelodeon shows choice, I’d keep Rocko’s Modern Life, Legends of the Hidden Temple, and….. aww geez…. uh…. Rugrats. But just barely over Are You Afraid of the Dark?

It’s a perfect internet distraction, because it’s meaningless, but it makes you feel bad even before strangers yell at you. Let’s do some more so you can yell at me.

This is a good one. I’m keeping Carrie, Michael Myers, and Jason Voorhees. That should be one hell of a party.

Oof. Die Hard, The Thing, and….. Blade Runner. Sorry Aliens. I’m really sorry.

GAH. Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Good Place, and The Office. 

I already hate myself.

Choosing between people feels like choosing which celebrities to murder. I’m keeping Will Ferrell, Eddie Murphy, and Steve Martin. Sorry other comedy legends! And my apologies to David Spade as well.

Alice, Mike, and Carol. The kids are all annoying in their own ways.

Oh no. OH NO. Cookie Monster, Big Bird, and Elmo. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

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Finally, an easy one. 7, 3, and 1.

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Attack of the Clones, The Last Jedi, and Return of the Jedi. Why? Cause some men just want to watch the world burn.

I’ve trained my whole life for this moment. My choices are factually correct: 4, 7, 5. Any other group is wrong.

The Hangover, Step Brothers, and The Other Guys. Surprise final choice? Maybe, but it’s great and super rewatchable. No I will not be taking questions at this time.

Weird group. And also a hard group. Ooof. I’ll keep Goodfellas, The Dark Knight, and Jurassic Park. I already hate these choices.

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Sour Patch Kids, Skittles, and Lifesavers.

But the hardest “You Can Only Keep 3” meme is one that now seems prescient. It was posted last December, and it asks about what we would keep through 2020, a year none of us could have predicted.

Suddenly I don’t like this game anymore. Please don’t make me pick. Please. The stakes feel way too real for this one.

Featured Image: Marvel

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