MUSKWATCH: Will NASA Beat Elon Musk in the Race to Colonize the Sun?

Who cares about boring old Mars when the real crown jewel of intergalactic colonization shines the brightest and lies a mere 93 million miles away? That’s right, dear readers–it looks like while Elon Musk has his sights set on the Red Planet, NASA is turning its gaze to colonizing the center of our galaxy: the sun.

Now you might be saying, “What the hell is wrong with you? That is not at all what the Parker Solar Probe is intended to do. It’s meant to give us clear data about the effects of solar wind and space weather.” But to you I say: Nice try, you agent provocateur. You’ve clearly been paid off by Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos or Robert Bigelow–who believes that Earth has absolutely been visited by aliens, another topic we’ll get into–or some other maverick aerospace billionaire that doesn’t want us to live on the sun’s surface.You might cite the story of Icarus, from Greek mythology, who flew too close to the sun, melting his wings of wax and sending him plummeting to a watery grave. But you and I both know that this is a lie propagated by cowards in the pocket of Big Mars™! Icarus just needed the right tools to get there, and the Parker Solar Probe is the next step to living on a truly warmed globe.

We’ll tell you everything you need to know about this giant leap for mankind in today’s episode of Muskwatch. Sure we’ll talk about that whole Robert Bigelow-believing-in-aliens deal and the latest developments for Elon Musk’s secret network of underground tunnels, too, but I’m mostly excited about this whole “shoot me out of a cannon into the sun” thing.

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What do you think of this week’s top stories? What else would you like to see us discuss on Muskwatch? Let us know in the comments below!

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