How To Survive An 80’s Video Game Apocalypse

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When the short film Pixels took YouTube by storm four years ago it got the collective populace in a frenzy. This short is creative, innovative and tells a story without saying a word. With over a million and a half YouTube hits to its credit, Sony took a chance on creating a full length feature. We don’t know if this internet sensation has what it takes to create box office success, but what we do know is that the trailer for the feature leaves us with one question “How would you survive an 80’s video game apocalypse?”. Well, here’s the best way to do just that.

If video games are fun, the best way to amplify that fun is playing two player. One of the keys to success versus the video game Armageddon is to grab a partner and attack and if Tecmo Bowl taught us anything is that Bo Jackson is the biggest badass on the face of the earth. Grab him and start shifting the tide in humanity’s favor.

Bo may be a great asset, but there’s always room for more. We all have that group of friends that started out playing classics like Super Mario that one guy can now breeze through it in one life in 5 minutes, you totally need that one person wrecking crew. There’s always the one who has no idea what they’re doing. Never has, never will. From Pitfall to Tetris they just aren’t a gamer. That person needs to be there too. If only to think outside the box. To round out the non-video gamer, you need the funny one. The guy that is an average player, they can get by alright, but excels at making fun of everyone as they play. The thing about a video game apocalypse is that you can’t ever take yourself too seriously. If you do, chances are you’ll lose focus and end up losing a life. Additionally, it’s also a benefit to add a girl or three into your crew, because Samus is proof that girls bring the pain better than any man ever could.

Should a team of malcontented video game characters descend upon us from the sky, we need to begin to look at ourselves in the mirror and realize that we, like Little Mac in (Mike Tyson’s) Punch Out, are the underdog. Standing before us isn’t Glass Joe, rather. It’s Bald Bull or Mr. Sandman. It may take some time to figure out what to do and where their weaknesses are but that will be a whole lot easier if we know who we are. Video games are great for teaching us that it may be the favorite that wins in the beginning, but if you keep at it, even an underdog can prevail in the long run.

You can’t very well do damage to our eventual alien video game overlords with a chintzy wooden sword now, can you? The Legend Of Zelda proved a very good point. In order to defeat the larger characters, you need to be willing to spend rupees, defeat smaller bosses or search high and low for the correct weapon with which to begin the onslaught of our attackers. A rebellion will happen, and you can not find yourself ill equipped, for if you are the weakest link in the chain, you will be exposed.

That’s right folks. Contra. If you haven’t memorized this by the time the end times begin, you’re more than likely dead already. Video games, even in their infancy had tricks, cheats and back doors which gave insight on how to become victorious. Sometimes it could be a warp tunnel that advanced you a level. Other times it was a a code like that embedded in Contra that gave you enough lives to withstand the attack. Any way you slice it these cheats were glorious. While not outright advocating using cheats, it may be worth it to look for a advantage or two if we were ever accosted by giant caricatures of our video gaming past. Just food for thought.

What are your gamer tips? Tell us in the comments!

Check out the Pixels trailer below!

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