As someone who is, by any measure, addicted to Twitter and can’t help looking at it all day, every day, I know as well as anyone what a hellscape it can be. Most of the time scrolling through your feed is like volunteering to have the worst opinions from the worst people on the worst topics injected directly into your eyes. Without anesthesia. So why do I, along with millions of others, keep going back to this virtual machine of sadness and anger? Because sometimes, on very rare occasions, it’s the absolute best, like when someone creates a “choose your own adventure” thread that tests how long you could survive as Beyoncé’s personal assistant.
Being Beyoncé’s assistant for the day: DONT GET FIRED THREAD pic.twitter.com/26ix05Hkhp
— Green Chyna (@CORNYASSBITCH) June 23, 2019
Twitter user Green Chyna created an interactive Twitter thread (which we came across at Mashable) that gives you the dream job of every member of the Beyhive. But it comes with a whole lot of stress. It’s up to you to choose one of two options for a number of decisions that would come up over the course of Beyoncé’s day, beginning with breakfast. Make a mistake and you get axed on the spot.
It’s your first day on the job and Beyoncé is getting ready for a red carpet. What are you getting her for breakfast? Yogurt, granola and strawberries or a 5 star breakfast. pic.twitter.com/05Zq5Ccai5
— Green Chyna (@CORNYASSBITCH) June 23, 2019
From there you see your two options you can select to move on.
— Green Chyna (@CORNYASSBITCH) June 23, 2019
If you pick the right meal, you move on to the next task; pick wrong and you’ll need to update your virtual résumé until you get to the end.
I made it through three decisions before messing up the fourth and getting fired, which makes it the least upsetting end to a Twitter thread I’ve ever experienced.
Featured Image: Beyoncé/YouTube
