Beyond The Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster: 4 Fictional Spirits That Would Probably Kill You

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Let’s face it: a drink is something that can help you better enjoy a night of fantastic gaming/binge-watching, or help you forget a terrible night of the same.  After a bad night, here’s 4 drinks we think the universe’s most well-stocked bartender would steer you away from because of your Terran primate heritage.

Romulan Ale (Star Trek)

While I’ve personally joked about the Star Trek universe being a wonderful universe to live in because of hangover-free alcohol and holodecks, sometimes brain-bleach is what the doctor ordered. Romulan Ale is a blue a neurotoxin hailing from the empire of the same name. It is illegal in the Federation due to intergalatic politics, though it is also notoriously strong, described as getting humans instantly drunk and leaving them with a hangover than can even take down a Klingon (despite the fact that they have two livers).  Take in too much and not even a charming, handsome, genetically enhanced doctor with a sexy accent will be able to help you.

Fenrisian Ale AKA Mjød (Warhammer 40,000

In the 40K universe, war is so rampant that the Imperium of Man created genetically-enhanced super-soldiers who stand 9 feet tall, have two stomachs, and implants in their kidneys which so efficiently process toxins that they are nearly impossible to poison. These enhancements are great for war, but terrible for enjoying drinks (which a particular group of Space Marines are known to do). They’ve gotten around their inability to get drunk from standard ethyl alcohol by mixing in a toxin from a plant native to their home planet of Fenris, which inhibits the activation of their kidney implants, with a high alcoholic grade ale.

When drinking with regular humans, these super-soldiers are courteous enough to mix in an anti-toxin, which is nice since the toxin would shut down the regular function of the kidneys of us plebs. Despite the name, this drink is probably not the hair of the dog you want.

Ryncol (Mass Effect)

What happens when you live in a society where there aren’t enough females to barely maintain the population of your species, let alone breed with? You get some strong alcohols, that’s what. Ryncol won’t kill a human, when consumed in moderation, but as the Turian bartender who serves this alcohol to Shephard says, you’ll set off radiological alarms after one drink of this stuff.

Skooma (Elder Scrolls)

Skooma is a highly addictive narcotic from the Elder Scrolls universe. It’s made from Moon Sugar and Nightshade and comes in both crystal and beverage form. While Skooma itself may not kill you, the euphoria that users feel on it often makes those addicted to it behave erratically, causing them to do things like jump off of high cliffs or temple walls, and such highs are often followed by long periods of lethargy. If the fall doesn’t kill you, not eating for the days after your high just might.

So dangerous is the reputation of Skooma, a “Skooma, Not Even Once” PSA meme has emerged online, warning of the dangers of skooma.

What would you order at the imaginary bar of all fictional drinks? Let us know in the comments below!

Featured Image Credit: Paramount Studios, “Star Trek V” (Fair Use)
Image Credit: sebsky | Imgur

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