If the football season is exceptionally hard for you or your loved ones, you might need Fireball’s new whisky bottled with the literal tears of football fans after hard losses. Yeah, you read that right. It isn’t even an exaggeration. The limited-edition version of the famous cinnamon whisky hits shelves next Fall. Fireball? No, Crierball.
Okay, if you’re like me, the first thing you thought about is the logistics of this whole thing. I mean, is collecting people’s tears and putting them in whisky even hygienic? Well, it looks like Fireball also expected these concerns, so on their Instagram, they described the tear-collecting process.
“Every drop shed and shared will be captured and stored in sealed, sterile jars, then safely transported to a secure facility for storing and distillation. All watery eyes are welcome,” it said on Fireball’s Instagram. Does this make sense…kind of? Am I still skeptical…yes.
“In football, few things – aside from Fireball, of course – are better than the sweet taste of victory, especially when that W comes at the expense of your biggest rivals,” said Danny Suich, Global Brand Director for Fireball. “Our brand is all about embracing that competitive spirit, but amping it up with a little more spice. We’re on a mission to capture the soul of rivalries – aka the tears of losers – at this season’s biggest games. The expected result? A one-of-a-kind whisky bottling that is sure to become the ultimate showpiece allowing for supreme bragging rights next season.”
“Fireball Tear Collectors” will be stationed at different football games across the country between teams with big rivalries. Fans on the losing side will be asked to donate their tears to make Crierball. There’s a diversity in football tears, with both NFL and college football fan tears, so maybe they’ll expand this venture to other sports soon. The tear collectors will be stationed at different games across the country in November.
The schedule is as follows:
November 2: Florida Gators vs. Georgia Bulldogs in Athens, GA
November 10: Philadelphia Eagles vs. Dallas Cowboys in Dallas, TX
November 17: Green Bay Packers vs. Chicago Bears in Chicago, IL
November 17: Baltimore Ravens vs. Pittsburgh Steelers in Pittsburgh, PA
November 30: Auburn Tigers vs. Alabama Crimson Tide in Tuscaloosa, AL
November 30: Michigan Wolverines vs. Ohio State Buckeyes in Columbus, OH
One can’t help but wonder if Crierball will be slightly saltier because of the tears, or maybe it depends on the poignancy of the batch of tears. Either way, this idea has me crying with laughter. If Michigan loses against Ohio, it will be straight tears, though.
