One of the first painful growing up moments during childhood for many of us gentile kids is finding out that Santa Claus isn’t real. Usually this happen between the ages of 7 and 10, and either we are sat down and told the awful truth from one or both of our parents (which makes us wonder just what the hell else they’d been lying to us about all this time) or — as was the case with eight-year-old me — you kind of just figure it out on your own. And it always sucks.
Despite my family’s best intentions to keep me innocent and a devout Santa believer, at about eight I argued vehemently that Santa simply couldn’t make it to the homes of billions of children in one night. I also stressed that reindeer simply do not fly. I can still hear my aunt giving out a loud sigh as she realized the battle for Santa belief was lost, and I had inched slightly closer to the bitter cynicism that is adulthood.
Now if you’re currently a parent in the position of having to tell your kids the awful truth, at least you now have science to back you up. Thanks to website RocketNews24, we’ve learned of a YouTube video from Japan that uses hard science to explain that if Santa were actually real, then the resulting sonic booms from his December 24th global travels would result in the end of life on Earth as we know it. There’s a whole bunch of math that explains all of these potential catastrophic results, which is pretty hilarious considering that the basic explanation most kids use to rationalize the existence of Santa Claus is that it’s all done via magic. Just say “magic isn’t real” and there goes the need for this explanation.
The video above is entirely in Japanese, but there are little animations that explain it all for us, so language isn’t really needed. So if you’re a really mean parent, you can just evade all responsibility and show your kid this video, and allow this sour-faced man from Japan do all the work for you. I mean, it would be really awful of you… but also kind of funny? (this is why it’s best I never have kids).
What was your experience like learning the harsh, cold truth about Santa Claus? Let us know down below in the comments.
Kyle Hill tackled this topic a while ago!
Image: Warner Brothers