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Queen of the Crappy Robots Built… A Butt-Wiping Machine

Ever find yourself sitting on the proverbial throne with your hands wrapped around your phone — if you say you don’t use your phone on the toilet, you’re not fooling anybody — unable to pull yourself away from the video game you’re playing or recipe you’re googling or whatever else you’re doing that requires both hands? Then good news! Queen of the Shitty Robots, Simone Giertz, has built a hands-free butt-wiping machine, and it really puts the can in “can you dig it?”

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At the beginning of the video Giertz says that the butt-wiping machine (or “ass-wiping robot” if you’re not too anal about names) may be “exactly what this world needs because a lot of people are full of shit, and maybe they just need help wiping their buttocks better.” And all we can say to that is amen. The butts of this world should be clean as whistles.

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And while investing in toilet science and toilet tech in general may be beneficial for the buttocks of humanity (a history book Tina Belcher would love?), it’s understandable if you’re thinking to yourself: this particular butt-wiping machine would be absolutely horrible at wiping real butts, and would probably cause quite a mess. But still, it’s a step (squat?) in the right direction. And when it comes to de-clogging and cleaning humanity of the folks Giertz is talking about, it’s going to take a unified effort.

What do you think about the Queen of the Shitty Machine’s butt-wiping robot? Do you think people being even lazier on the toilet sounds like a good idea? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!

Images: Simone Giertz

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