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WHAT THE F IS THIS???? Pt. 3

Few things are more upsetting in Latino culture than the Chupacabra. Part vampire, part whatsis, the Chupacabra drains goats of their precious goat’s blood because it is less fattening than cow’s blood. Images of the creature have been elusive, as the legendary goat-vampire preys upon its victims at night. While the goats are asleep in their Victorian four poster beds, the Chupacabra swoops in, having taunted the goat in its dreams for many nights previous. The goats resist at first, but the penetrating gaze of the Chupacabra bathed in the milky backdrop of the moonlight is too much for them, and they surrender themselves completely to the creature’s Dark Kiss.

By the way, if any Latinos are reading this blog, please explain to me why a wild dog that eats goats is looked upon with horror while dressing a middle-aged man in schoolchildren’s clothing on Univision is considered "hilarious."

Via Dave Anthony from his blog Stop All Monsters

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Comments

  1. Amanda says:

    Thank God, I just knew they were going to shoot the poor thing.

  2. Caleb says:

    I thought you were going to use the word “preternatural” for a second there. So glad you didn’t.

  3. Crystal says:

    “While the goats are asleep in their Victorian four poster beds, the Chupacabra swoops in, having taunted the goat in its dreams for many nights previous.”

    That is some genius writing. Genius.

  4. The Nerdist says:

    I know it’s not for us as humans to worry about but the Mayor of Goats is really freaked out.

  5. Casi says:

    i thought that chupacabras were supposed to look like large rats with webbed feet and hands and really big eyes (no idea why i think this)

    and if that thing is a chupacabra
    wats so scary bout it
    in my opinion a chupacabra is a coyote that only eats goats

  6. Giggleloop says:

    I dunno, looks like a dog to me. Whenever I think of chupacabras, I think of my hick father-in-law listening to Art Bell’s radio show in the middle of the night and then telling us excitedly about “goat-SUCKers” the next day.

    My husband emailed me about this, and called it a “coopracracobrea”, which I have determined is the best fictional creature name ever.