close menu

“Tiger Woods” by Dan Bern (NSFW)

Apparently there’s some kind of Tiger Woods scandal or other going on. I’m not really sure. The media outlets seem to be shy about covering it. In any case, it seems like a good time to remind people of one of my favorite songs “Tiger Woods” by Dan Bern.

I have genuinely loved this song for over a decade. The concept of “going down on Madonna too soon” as a metaphor for peaking early in life is wickedly genius. “Tiger Woods” is from the 1998 Ani DiFranco-produced album “Fifty Eggs,” which is currently out of print but available on iTunes.

BTW, if you’re a rowdy celebrity now’s a really good time to act up: do a Redwood-sized pile of blow at a church or dump a model in the Angeles National Forest—as long as Tiger-banging ladies keep coming forward you’ll probably be able to skate right under the press’s radar.

ANNIHILATION's 'Shimmer' and Ending Explained

ANNIHILATION's 'Shimmer' and Ending Explained

Meltdown Comics, an LA Landmark, to Close After 25 Years

Meltdown Comics, an LA Landmark, to Close After 25 Years

Who Is the Secret Cameo in DEADPOOL 2?

Who Is the Secret Cameo in DEADPOOL 2?



  1. Manuel says:

    Mr. Evershed,Thank you for taking the time to aswner my question. You are right. I have never heard any instructor discuss the importance of one’s balance conditions when changing one’s swing. I agree with you that it should be held in much higher regard.If swing changes affect one’s balance conditions, how do golfers in general improve upon those new balance conditions while also incorporating the new swing motions? What is the ideal balance condition?Having multiple thoughts on these aspects during practice sessions and rounds seem quite daunting. I know I can only focus on a few swing thoughts during my rounds. Is there an effective way to isolate the swing and the balance conditions during practice sessions?Thank you for your time and I look forward to your future blog posts.

  2. Eric says:

    Hey Chris!

    I saw you and Mike at the Aladdin in Portland the other night– one of the best comedy shows I’ve ever seen! You know those “My cheeks hurt from laughing” nights? Yeah, it was one of those. 🙂

    And I’m so psyched that you’ve posted this song– Dan Bern is amazing, and more people should know about him. His lyrics are inspired, and I love how he’s unafraid to be absurd and yet it doesn’t take away from the song (which is what happens in the hands of most artists), but somehow turns it into a very personal poetry.

    Love Dan Bern!

    Love Hard ‘n Phirm!

    Rock on!

  3. Deltus says:

    In fact, Tiger Woods should do that huge pile of blow in a church. Frankly, the bad press he’s getting simply can get any worse.

  4. Barny-Boo says:

    A Redwood-sized pile of blow would be virtually impossible to fit inside almost any church, let alone transport by yourself.

  5. susan says:

    you know he had no regards for his wife or children.who now have to live with the shame this man has brought to them .we need to stop making excuse for people like him who are nothing but what men always call women who sleep with anything.he is just a male slut.sorry to your wife and kids my sympathy goes out to you and hismom.

  6. Kaileigh says:

    Lost me to shallow scoffing chuckles at “big as wheels on tractors.”

  7. Jordan says:

    That is epic Chris. I can see it now… actors across the world doing blow in the middle of church? That would be so funny.