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The Nerdist Photo Caption Contests: Results Post!


Yes, this one still makes me giggle from of the sheer simplicity of it. And congratulations to Nerdist ElbowOnFire for the $50 worth of digital merchandise he/she will be enjoying from the one and only iTunes. Remember, if your virtual music storefront doesn’t say “iTunes,” you’re probably an Apple software engineer working on a future build!

I have to sincerely thank everyone who participated. We had 54 submissions and they really showed what funny, clever nerds you are. I had a hard time picking a winner, and had several friends in or near the comedy biz vote on their faves. Because of this, I feel compelled to go ahead and give two runner-up prizes of $25 each for the same iTunes Musical Retail Megastore of Wonderment.

The “Integrated The Photo Into My Work” Prize goes to Dan Telfer for:

give the ASK Proxima C175 projector a 85%. The RS232 connection isn’t
very reliable, and I suspect they fudged how many lumens it can
actually put out. 2,000 max? I doubt it. So for all intents and
purposes I should give it a much lower score. But take off the lid, and
there is a delightful woodland game show taking place.”

And the “7th Grade Filth” Prize goes to Moxie for:

Slow and steady is the only way to pull off the squirrel shocker

Winners, email me to collect your prize. And we are on the honor system here, class, so don’t pretend to be someone you are not just for a giftcard. That kind of karma will cause your ass tissue to bleed out.

Stay tuned for more Nerdist contests. I consider this one to be a smashing success, and I look forward to drawing from the vein of creativity that is The Nerdist Colony! In the meantime, here are a handful of honorable mentions, though I do urge you to go through and read all of them



Chris Hardwick commences with campaign to literally make his dreams
come true. Next week: that one he had about he and a tiny William
Shatner starting their own frozen custard stand.


Hard n’ Phirm – Behind the Music : Sex, Alcohol, Rodents

Most knew him as the witty co-host of Singled Out, but since going

off the air Hardwick’s career had tragically gone downhill. Depression
and financial ruin lead him to take the only gigs available. Seen here
during his 1998 Venice beach period Hardwick tries to wow the boardwalk
crowds with his live 3 card monte mice act.

frustrated that his project won Fourth Place in the Appalachian Science
Booth at the 1982 Knoxville World’s Fair, the Nerdist brings his
diorama to every damn party, and rambles on about squirrels as a viable
alternate energy source.

“i have too much free time and no human friends… but look at my rodents!”

Hardwick a popular “nerd” comedian and former host of MTV’s Singled
Out, was arrested today on charges of animal molestation and crack
cocaine possession.

The arrest came after staff, working on a new show for Animal
Planet, a cable tv channel dedicated to Animals, found Mr.Hardwick and
a 4year old chipmunk named “Mr.Chippers” fornicating in a janitor’s

Producers of the show say they hired Mr. Hardwick to host the half
hour program, after he submitted a very moving essay about the
importance Animal/Human relationships.

“We could have never known that he was being literal” said Simon
Gould one of the shows producers, referring to the essay Chris wrote in
which he describes a world where “people can love their animal
companions freely and entirely, without fear of persecution”.

A spokesman for Mr. Hardwick had no comment on the charges.

And this week’s Iron Chef ingredient: “Squirrel Convention Check-In Table!”

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Meltdown Comics, an LA Landmark, to Close After 25 Years

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  1. Teaflax says:

    Congrats to the winner, but I must note this:
    if your virtual music storefront doesn’t say “iTunes,” you’re probably violently opposed to DRM.

  2. shiri says:

    thanks for the fun work distraction hardwick!
    the one by moxie made me actually “lol.” glad they won. but i gotta say…7th grade filth? 7th graders know about the shocker?! kids nowadays… *mutter mutter*

  3. a phan of philth says:

    I’m so glad Moxie won! That entry had me smiling all day.

  4. Lisa says:

    Wow, I got an honorable mention? I’m honored!! I enter The New Yorker’s cartoon caption contest all the time and I’ve never gotten squat from them.

    P.S. I really really really want to write a pilot for “Shatner and the Shrink Ray.”

  5. Giggleloop says:

    Great contest – congrats to the winners! Maybe next time I’ll be able to bring the funny and be a serious contender. 🙂