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Episode 93: Sex Nerd Sandra

Sex Nerd Sandra #93: Touch-Yourself-a-Thon

HAPPY MASTURBATION MONTH! Comedian Mike Black & Sex Ed Legend Carol Queen help celebrate Team Fun when it’s a team of one! TOPICS: Listener Letter, Vibrator Coasting, The Journey, Porn vs Fantasy, Cravings for Intimacy, Trial & Error, Skinemax, Beating it & Breaking it, Lube Lab, Cheating, Group Shame, Getting Caught. THEN: Stamina, Benefits, Guilt, A Vacuum of Info, Self-Comfort, Corn Flakes & Graham Crackers, Non-Orgasmic Masturbation, Nerve Pathways, Patterns & Habits, “Fantasy & Friction,” Valsalva Breathing, Betty Dodson, The Sexiest Library, Sexual Philosophy, and Highlight’s from Carol Queens Remarkable Career!

Carol Queen, PhD is a noted pleasure activist, award-winning erotic author, the co-founder (with her life partner Dr. Robert Morgan Lawrence) of the Center for Sex & Culture, and Staff Sexologist at Good Vibrations. For more, see and

Photo is courtesy The Feminist Porn Awards.

Mike Black is a comedian who’s appeared on VH1, TBS, The Travel Channel and Comedy Central and also countless national commercials. When he’s not performing somewhere in Los Angeles or on the road he co-hosts The Action Figure Podcast and Gamedians on Follow his adventures on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, where he uses the handle mikeblackattack, or on his website!


Hang out with Sex Nerd Sandra on Twitter and Facebook. It will be the fun times.


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  1. LightFarmer says:

    Just THANK YOU
    This episode truly opened my heart, and I am so grateful.
    Carol and Mike, you were wonderful.
    Sandra, You Improve my life every day.

  2. s1yfox says:

    @clawgrip I think you really outlined masturbation pretty well for me, and you outlined the “people pawing at you” thing very nicely. as a male in his young 20’s, I embellish the whole aesthetic of being physically desirable, and when that desire isn’t filled, the masturbation following that emotion is pretty shameful.

    The first guest you had on was awesome. when it comes to porn, I think I look for the same criteria he does. Porn stars just aren’t doing it for me anymore. It’s like you guys talked about how the amateur, pov, interview stuff seems a lot more real/raw than the hollywood stuff does and I find myself getting off to it much more easily.

  3. clawglip says:

    I’m one of the (a/non)sexuals your second guest mentioned.

    I’m a dude, a virgin, never kissed anyone, never had a girlfriend, age 35.. Been cranking the cream since maybe age 9.. I rely on it almost entirely as a personal maintenance kind of way, and not at all in the sense of loneliness.

    If the more common waste-excretions are #1 and #2, masturbation is #3 for me, and just as ordinary. Releasing a big pent-up #1, or a good #2 flush-out can be stress relieving and a feeling of renewal and new sense or purpose, in the same way that Jostlin’ the Elders a few times in a row can similarly be.. and I’m frankly weirded out that anyone would think of it even vaguely as cheating or taboo.

    That’s like saying that, since having a girlfriend or being married, you were no longer allowed to take a dump alone anymore and could only take a dump together (yuck). It’s a personal physiological activity like brushing your teeth, not going to the movies. It’s a way to intentionally appease the animal so that your thoughts can go untainted by the animal nagging at you in the background.

    I think the feeling of shame that comes afterward (especially when younger, much rarer these days for me) is actually the animalistic emotional side being appeased and no longer pawing at you, in a sense. It’s an absence of the more familiar wink-wink influence, and it can seem like shame, as if someone you liked before suddenly turned their attention away from you.

    I don’t use any lube, just a soft cloth like fleece. There’s no residue, no moisture involved, and I’ve got a pretty good tissue technique that involves touching none of the resulting fluids either.. I’m looking forward to the days when the pangs are diminished, and they have actually diminished considerably by comparison to my younger days of 4-5 times a day, down to maybe 5 times a week tops. I’m a very positive type, early riser, Monday morning bright and early type without caffeine, pep in the step kind of guy, and I see a lot of guy pals just being essentially bummed out into obedience because his gal won’t give it up and he won’t whip it out solo. Suckers!