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Episode 90: Sex Nerd Sandra
In Hot Pursuit

Sex Nerd Sandra #90: In Hot Pursuit

LEARNING THE VALUE OF THE B*TCHFACE. Sandra investigates a world where everyone wants your number. Comedian Eli Olsberg weighs in. TOPICS: Speed Dating, Yuri’s Night, Mari’s Mob, The Fedex Guy, Bros, Dropping Failed Hints, Stranger Danger, Theories, Porn, Eye Contact, Dance Floor Drama, Nude Modeling, Mistaken for Love, Reverse Juggling, Zooey Deschanel, Super Sexy Approaches, Asking Permission, Masculinity, and the Myths of Weakness.

When Mari isn’t on the run from admirers, she enjoys long walks, posing for Dr. Sketchy’s Anti-Art School and working for the circus.


Eli Olsberg is a stand-up comedian, writer, and co-produces a comedy show at a sex shop!


Hang out with Sex Nerd Sandra on Twitter and Facebook. It will be the fun times.

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  1. norusdog says:

    I can understand where it can become annoying and/or creepy/rude.

    but seriously? you’re so pretty that you get “too much” attention?

    cry me a fucking river. Seriously.

    I’m NOT the type of person you’re talking about in this episode…I typically keep to myself unless there’s a reason to talk to a stranger..regardless of their gender.

    But I find it hard to find sympathy here really. Life is so hard huh. Shame you’re so good looking that you attract people all the time….lol.

  2. David wilson says:

    hi guys, are u on cardsapp? thanks

  3. David Garcia says:

    Hi guys, What’s is your CardsApp brand number? Cheers

  4. KD says:

    This was rather useful. I find it difficult to read people and have sometimes embarrassed myself with my interest. Also, I have no idea how to read the signs out there when a woman is interested in me.
    Interesting debate, gang… 😉

  5. bengwak says:

    I can’t believe it took me a month to get around to listening to this podcast (studying & preparing for some finals) but I had an hour and a bit of travelling today.

    As a guy, who’s gone though some of the ups and downs of dating over the last 12 months, i found this a good listen for when I feel like I’m ready to get out there and maybe start dating again.

    I’ve never done that “launch into your life story” thing when i’ve met people – ESPECIALLY Strangers – but I know there have times I could get carried away in the middle conversation and would not stop once i got going, and i might not realise until afterwards “UGH, you did that thing again where you talk WAY too much and haven’t let the other person get a word in”.
    This is a good chance to stop and take a look at how I contain myself once i start getting carried away, so thanks Sandra for this podcast 🙂 I feel like i’ll be a more aware communicator now.

  6. Rich says:

    One thing I think was completely glossed over in this podcast, is that Mari said she didn’t want to be in a relationship (or something to that effect), but she still went to speed dating? I understand she thought it would be fun, but isn’t it unfair to the guy she ended up with? The guy could be looking for a legitimate relationship and she didn’t even want to deal with one now. The guy was in a losing scenario.

  7. Sylvia says:

    This episode totally resonated with me. I am not necessarily a fantastically attractive person, but I evidently have ‘Please tell me your life story’ written on my forehead in ink that is legible to a certain type of person. Which is a lot of people. I once had a guy come out of his house to chat with me while I waited for a bus. From the second floor apartment. Not really sure why – again, I don’t think I’m super pretty, but I clearly read as warm and approachable. I like being warm and approachable, in general, so I don’t really want to learn how to stop being that way. But it drove me nuts when I was younger. I think now that I’m a bit older (32), I’ve learned how to be clearly Doing Something Else, which helps with the randos.

  8. Mel says:

    I think Eli’s a sweetie. I loved The Morning After Podcast, would definitely recommend it to all the sex nerds out there. 🙂

  9. Sweet Tea says:

    Really enjoying the podcast, Sandra. I’m a noob, so I’m listening to recents and going back to early episodes to catch up on some of the history.

    I found this episode particularly interesting because I deal a lot with what Mari does. Like her, it probably doesn’t have as much to do with my attractiveness level as it does with 1. how approachable I seem to be and 2. how uncomfortable I am with being impolite or hurting people’s feelings. I’m not really bothered by it, rather I’m appreciative of the fact that I have some quality that puts people at ease and makes them comfortable enough to try to establish a connection. Anyway, I wish her the best of luck.

    Oh! Also wanted to say that Mari should have changed her name for this episode since she seemed to be concerned about privacy. I’m no super sleuth, but googling “Mari” (which is an uncommon name) and her unusual profession made it very easy to find her online–including her last name.

  10. Ladybird says:

    This episode was fascinating! As a woman who is several inches taller than the average man, at first this seemed so alien to me. I’ve never really thought about it before, but I did start developing my bitchface once I hit around 14. I was as tall as I am now but I was still very obviously a child. I got a lot of gross attention from dudes at that age. Now I more or less look like a tall, feminine, two legged nut cruncher who can kill with eye lasers.

    I think at least with the men talking to women situation, a lot of it boils down to straight up entitlement. OBVIOUSLY you’re interested in their life story. Why? Because they’re interested in telling it. Ditto dancing.

  11. RC says:

    I think I have a crush on Mari now.

  12. Litch says:

    Oh god this Eli guy is the most annoying guy ever. He comes off as such a pretentious, smarmy, superior, suck-up I have heard in ages. I can totally see him as the guy who flatters the prof for a good grade and is stunned when they see through him.

  13. Daniel says:

    This was a fascinating episode that seemed to be over all too quickly.

    I’ve listened to all of Eli’ and Jake’s The Morning After podcasts, and they’re great. While I wish they had not focused almost entirely on today’s gonzo, shot-in-a-rented-San Fernando Valley-home-type porn (I grew up watching the Golden Era, “Boogie Nights”-type), Eli and Jake treated their guests with respect, and weren’t afraid to talk about their own insecurities and foibles. Eli made a wonderful guest for this episode, and I hope he can make return visits in the future.

    As for Mari, this episode made me feel really bad for her! (Not to mention making me once again sad about the nature of my fellow man.) Telling her to change her body language and/or adopt a bitchface feels like telling a unicorn to cut off its horn to avoid unicorn-hunters — but I’m afraid it may be the best short term solution. Remember Mari that you wouldn’t have to wear this face constantly, just turn it on when you see unwanted people approaching.

    And to Matt above — unless you are a 120-pound man who gets constantly hit on by older 200-pound gay bodybuilders, I don’t think your situation is really comparable to Mari’s. And even when the safety aspect isn’t a factor, I also wouldn’t underestimate the problem that many girls have overcoming their socialization to be accomodating or friendly to men.

  14. Sex Nerd Sandra says:

    Hi Matt, some people do care about being rude and others feel unsafe with the possbile repurcussions from just walking away.

    Also, in my experience, when someone asks if it’s ok to get into a conversation before engaging deeply, it does put me at ease and gives me a chance to opt out.

    Every person a beautiful snowflake. Let’s keep some room for experiences outside our own.

  15. Matt says:

    As someone who gets approached fairly often I felt like most of this episodes conversation was a little whiny. If you don’t like the flirtation going on just walk away; who cares if it’s rude, it’s about being comfortable with the situation you’re in. Asking permission to flirt is also completely absurd.