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Episode 229: Sex Nerd Sandra
Sex Drive

Sex Nerd Sandra #161: Sex Drive

Author and Super Expert Emily Nagoski Ph.D. reveals a new world of knowledge in understanding sex drive. PLUS! Allison Moon chimes in on cunnilingus. TOPICS: Pleasure Plateau of Alcohol, Valley of Regret, Buck Rogers, Desire: Spontaneous vs Responsive vs Context-sensitive, Sex Break & Gas Pedals, Fight or Flight or Freeze, Shaking it Off, Other Drives, The Little Monitor, The Pit of Despair, and how to shift goals for maximum success!


Emily Nagoski has a Ph.D. in Health Behavior with a doctoral concentration in human sexuality from Indiana University (IU), and a Master’s degree (also from IU) in Counseling, with a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute Sexual Health Clinic. She also has a B.A. in Psychology, with minors in cognitive science and philosophy, from the University of Delaware.

While at IU, Emily worked as an educator and docent at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex Gender and Reproduction. She also taught graduate and undergraduate classes in human sexuality, relationships and communication, stress management, and sex education.

She is the author of three guides for Ian Kerner’s “The Good in Bed Guide to Orally Pleasuring a Man,” “The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms,” and “A Scientific Guide to Successful Relationships,” and of “Come as You Are,” to be published in spring of 2015 (Simon & Schuster).

A sex nerd among sex nerds, Emily has the lowest Erdős number of any sex educator in the world. She lives in western Massachusetts with two dogs, two cats, and a cartoonist. Follow her on Twitter!


Allison Moon is the author of the Tales of the Pack series about lesbian werewolves. Last year, she successfully Kickstarted the 2nd in the series, Hungry Ghost. She was a 2011 Lambda Literary Emerging LGBT Authors Fellow. She’s a passionate advocate for independent artists and the democratization of publishing tools. She’s also a sex educator who has presented her workshops (including Girl Sex 101) to thousands of people around the US and Canada.

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Follow @SexNerdSandra on Twitter and Facebook! And visit Sex Nerd Sandra’s calendar of live events!

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  1. Simone says:

    Allison Moon should have her own podcast! Her explanation about drive is not something that’s usually discussed in the mainstream. Very informative, I wish there was a part 2. I’m a regular listener of this show because the guest are interesting; I still, however, wish Sandra would grow up and let go of this “I’m defective, victim, giggly, I don’t know what I’m doing” babbling persona. 
    I often wish she would shut up and let her guest talk instead of always interrupting, they lose their train of thought and the conversation goes back to assuaging Sandra fragile ego. In the years, she’s been doing this show you would have thought she grown some confidence. I wonder if this show has only increased her distress. As much as she claims to be a sex expert or as much as she’s learned about sex, hasn’t seem to translate into her real life. Really, now I come to find out who her guest are and go find them online somewhere else. So kudos to whoever does SNS bookings – the guest are what really makes this show. 
    That being said I want to like Sandra. I wish she would prepare for her guest (I cringe every time she admits not know information about her guest), no wonder her show’s are often long and rambling as if we’re forced to listen to her stream of conscious, which is getting old and tired. Please, please learn to be more professional – have prepared questions for your guest, which would give us more of the information the guest has to provide and less about your angst. 

  2. Brandon Landis says:

    This episode blew my mind like 4 times.  I’ve trained with a tantric mentor, I have a bachelors degree in organismal biology, and this info was *completely* novel to me.  And helpful!  And relevant!  I just started to listen to podcasts, and hitting gold like this so early on is a godsend.  

  3. Donnie Gwinn says:

    This was an amazing and helpful episode. My wife and I have been struggling with her “low sex drive” and my “high sex drive” for years. She wasn’t so sure she wanted to listen to this one, but she took a chance. She loved it, but we were interrupted, and she was planning to finish it on her own. I don’t know if she has yet, but I suspect not. It’s important enough to me that I’m going to ask her to listen to the rest with me.
    We figured out something else, though. I listen to every Sex Nerd Sandra episode that comes out. I don’t necessarily listen on the days they come out, but I always catch up, and I pay no attention to the advertised topic, because I’ve learned that I’ll probably enjoy every episode and learn something from it. 
    I have a spontaneous Sex Nerd Sandra drive.
    My wife likes Sandra, but she used to identify more with Dave. She likes the show, but, she told me before listening to this episode, she “has to be in the right mood for it.””Would it be fair to say,” I asked slowly, “that your desire to listen to SNS is dependent on the context? That the timing and the surroundings and your mood all have to be right first?””Yeah!” she replied. “I guess it’s like sex!”
    That’s right. My wife has a context-dependent Sex Nerd Sandra drive. Do with that bit of market information what you will.:D

  4. Rebecca says:

    thank you thank you. i’m responsive and not broken!  YAY!!!!!

  5. sydney says:

    S. Bear Bergman.  They wrote an excellent book called “The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You” about the trans experience.