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Episode 145: Sex Nerd Sandra
Rejection, Rage and #YesAllWomen with Dr. Chris Donaghue and Barbie Davenporte

Sex Nerd Sandra #145: Rejection, Rage and #YesAllWomen with Dr. Chris Donaghue and Barbie Davenporte!

TRIGGER WARNING! Sandra searches for understanding and insight in the wake of the Isla Vista shootings. Therapist Dr. Chris Donaghue and writer Barbie Davenporte weigh in.

TOPICS: Terrorism, Mental Health, Relationality, Chicken or Egg, Fragmentation, Disassociation, Fox News’ Homosexual Impulses, Othering, Entitlement, Babies & Puppies, Misogyny, Gender as Social Construct, Universal Needs, Alpha and Beta Males, Healthy Anxiety, #NotAllMen, Compassion & Empathy. THEN: Feminism, Equality for All, More Hashtags, Comic-Con Upskirt Photo, Parking Lots, Gay Bars, Jamaican Street Harassment and Club Humping.

On Violence Against Women: “You know what perpetuates this? The continualized forced and flawed distinction between men and women as two discrete and separate categories.” –Dr. Chris Donaghue

On Choosing Compassion: “You’ll be better served in life by having a larger capacity for empathy.” –Dr. Chris Donaghue


Dr. Chris Donaghue is a licensed clinical therapist, nationally certified sex therapist and doctor of clinical sexology and human sexuality. He is nationally recognized as a sex and relationship expert, appearing on Logo TV’s Bad Sex, and having been featured in Newsweek, and seen on CNN, OWN, Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers, and National Geographic.

His first book, “The New Sex,” is due out in 2013. His personal website and blog is Follow him on Twitter (@ChrisDonaghue)

Barbie Davenporte is a writer and editor in L.A. who blends professional journalism experience with themes surrounding gender and human sexuality to open the minds of the masses, one raised eyebrow at a time. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter (@BDavenporte).

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  1. Yuta says:

    I bumped into this episode again and I how he said men are women are more similar than different. A lot of people think we are more different than we actually are and that often causes confusion.

  2. Interestingly the last part of this conversation seemed to suffer from some statistical bias. Lets say in a bar there are 200 people, 100 men and 100 women. 1 man goes around being a creeper as described, and creeps out 80 of the women. To you, this man is prevalent and this behavior is *common*, but in fact it is incredibly rare, more rare than psychopathy, it just has higher exposure. And when those men bother you, many others stood up to defend you, but you don’t recognize that if those men were a large minority or a slight majority this would not happen.

    And the “notallmen” was responded to be enormous chunks of the internet with “yesallmen”

    I respect the ideas of equality and empowerment of all genders and sexualities very strongly, but I think feminism as a movement has been a bit overly corrupted by the ideas regarding androcentrism and the evils of masculinity to really be valid at this point, many of its followers are violently hateful towards others and hold extremist positions that are unrectifiable with equality and empowerment.

    Even as evidence mounts that even worshiping feminine traits as a society doesn’t empower men to leave their gender stereotype box whatsoever, it should become clear that perhaps androcentrism is not as accurate as it is believed within the feminist community, and the negative externalities of that belief have caused more division and rift in society than it should have.

  3. Alf says:

    Best episode ever! (or at least for a very long time).

    Heavy topic but dealt with in a very professional and sober way. Will definitely look more into Chris’ work.

  4. Bronte says:

    Hi sandra! I’ve been listening to your podcast for just over a year now, you’ve had many fantastic ones but this one is my mew favourite. It’s great to see how you explore such a difficult issue and make it as fascinating as more light hearted pieces, and that’s why you are my favourite podcaster.  Thanks for all your excellent work! keep it up 😉  

  5. Rory says:

    Hey Sandra,Thanks for your thoughtful and nuanced commentary on this tragedy. Having read, (perhaps too much of) his manifesto, I was starting to feel desperately sad that no-one seemed capable of feeling a degree of empathy for someone who had obviously been in great pain, and filled with self loathing. I also wonder if some intervention, early on, could have turned him down a better path.
    Anyway, you made me feel less odd for feeling more than just contempt, (though that too), for this guy.