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See You In Heck

Hey, so, how’s this apocalypse thing working for you?

We’re assuming, most of us are, that the end times aren’t arriving on the 21st. If it is The End, I’m personally assuming that I’m not going to be ascending to Heaven. And if the world does erupt at the appointed time, there’s not a lot I can do about it at this point.

But everyone wants to be at least a little prepared, so you’ll want to consult the definitive survival text, namely Conan and former The Daily Show writer Rob Kutner’s Apocalypse How, which offers tips on how to deal with the end of life as we know it. While it’s available through Amazon, I’m pretty sure getting delivery in time for the Big Event might be impossible. But you can go down to what’s left of your local bookstore and see if they have a copy, which, for some reason, is likely to be stocked in the “Humor” section rather than the “Emergency” area.

To promote the book, Rob made some animated promos that offer some ideas for how to deal with the end, like this one suggesting how you can take advantage of the apocalypse to get in shape:

And this one, offering ideas for careers in the post-apocalyptic world:

And you’ll need some fashion tips:

(You can follow Rob on Twitter for updates at @apocalypsehow)

Now, that’s all humor (or, at least, they SAY it is). The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention wants you to really be prepared for an emergency, but they’re not above using ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!!! imagery to motivate you, as this video from Slate indicates:

And some people might need a stiff drink to get through the crisis, so click here for an article from the helpful folks at Fox News about making the ultimate Zombie cocktail, as well as a Corpse Reviver. They also have some recommendations for best cars for surviving the Zombie Apocalypse, but you might have to make do with the one you have.

But you can be reasonably assured that we’ll make it through Saturday unscathed. After all, everybody knows that the real apocalypse is scheduled for next year.

(HT to The Venture Bros. for the title, by the way)

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  1. Allybal says:

    i was promised another year and a half, not cool like 90 year old man. This uninformed mass chaos is messing with my sobriety.

  2. Louis O'Raga says:

    This is probably good for the job market.

    With everyone quitting their jobs for the apocalypse, surely there will be more jobs out there.

  3. Staci says:

    The Rapture sounds like The Raptor in my brain.

  4. Erin says:

    Yea Harold Camping only predicted that the Rapture would be May 21. Us sinners will have to stick around until October for the end of the world.

  5. bd says:

    strike all that.

  6. bd says:

    6pm. And it’s judgment day. The end of the world is in October. If you’re going to mock a thing mock it right. You don’t mock Star Trek with light saber jokes.

  7. Christy says:

    Shadee is right. I’m also willing to watch some of your cash and/or stuff so you don’t have to worry about it. It’s the martyr in me.

  8. Shadee says:

    You know if you want to try for that one last good deed to make things right before it happens I’m happy to help out by letting you send me all your money and your stuff. I’m just nice like that. 🙂