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Scientifically Accurate Flipper is Definitely NSFW

Scientifically Accurate Flipper is Definitely NSFW

Sorry, folks, dolphins are not the adorable, innocent beings you think they are. As proven by this scientifically accurate version of the Flipper theme song. The video comes to us from FOXADHD, creators of childhood-ruining classics like “Scientifically Accurate Duck Tales” (woo-oo!), and “Scientifically Accurate Ninja Turtles.” Sit back, relax, and revel in the fact that like humans, dolphins can be disgusting.

Though there are several  interesting bits of cetacean trivia in there, you’re probably wondering, “do dolphins really masturbate with dead fish?” The answer is, yes! Dolphins are highly intelligent, and with all that brain power comes a bit of sexual exploration – they’ve even been observed wrapping eels around their netherbits (style points?). The reality is that tons of animals get it on solo: from birds, to pandas, to monkeys.

Here’s a video of a pink river dolphin having his way with a decapitated fish (watch at your own risk):

Male dolphins also regularly partake in “poky podding,” which is exactly what it sounds like. From time to time, young males will form a close-knit group, sealed for all eternity with boner bonds.

Now, there is a little something we should clear up here. While dolphin sex can be aggressive, the idea that they’re gang-rapers is more media fodder than scientifically accurate. The scientific term that describes aggressively restraining your partner in order to mate is “forced copulation,” and while duckslizardsmonkeysfruit fliescricketsorangutanschimpanzees, and countless other species are known forced-copulation aficionados (yeah, animals are jerks), dolphins are not.

“Mounting behavior in dolphins is widespread and is a form of socio-sexual behavior,” explains Dr. Justin Gregg, a research associate with the dolphin communication project who studies social cognition. This includes any dolphin-on-human “hibbity dibbity.”

“It involves dolphins of all ages and both sexes. Juveniles and calves will sometimes mount their mothers (and vice versa) and females will mount males. Despite documented mounting attempts involving dolphins and humans, I have found no verified accounts of a male dolphin having ever penetrated a human orifice with his penis (against their will or otherwise).”

But if that’s true, why does the FOXADHD video mention dolphin-trainer sexual relationship? The video is referencing Margaret Howe Lovatt, the focus of the BBC documentary, “The Girl Who Talked to Dolphins.”  Back in the ’60s, Lovatt was tasked with training a male dolphin named “Peter” for a NASA-funded scientific experiment. Peter often rubbed up on his trainer, which she allowed as he’d usually stop shortly after. And hey, being sexually frustrated can be distracting. This isn’t evidence of a sexual relationship between the pair, just that Peter was behaving like a normal dolphin.

“Solo male dolphins in the wild who encounter humans have been known to get frisky (with humans of both sexes),” explains cetacean researcher Dr Chris Parsons. “Bear in mind, they also do this with propeller wakes.”

The reality is that sometimes doing science means lending your test subject a helping hand – intentionally, or not.

IMAGES: Animation Domination High-Def/YouTube

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