close menu

Outsourced Blog Post


If you read my last Wired article you know that Tim Ferriss turned me onto the idea of outsourcing menial clerical work to a virtual assistant in another country. My initial idea of this was that I was writing to some Fourth World region to a bank of shoeless indigents working in a mud hut in front of pneumatic tubes that would spit out random orders near some kind of smelly lemur situation and a lake of diarrhea. Then I came back to reality and quickly gave myself a Dutch Oven under my dog’s blanket as a punishment for temporary douchery. As you may have guessed, they were not Fourth World at all and, in fact, the quality of the assistants was fantastic. The only problem was, I couldn’t think of anything for them to do. THEN I couldn’t think of anything to blog about. DO YOU SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING??? It occurred to me that they were contractually bound to answer anything I asked.  Problem A meet Problem B and make a baby. My first round of questions were admittedly tame, but in future “Outsourced Blog Posts” I intend to crank up the weirdness level to Delicatessen.

Where are you located?

I am a resident of Hyderabad, India. I was born and brought up in Hyderabad.

What did you have for breakfast?dosa

Today I had Dosa for breakfast. It is delicious and crispy and takes in less oil hence light and good for health. Normally we have it twice a week or more. The way it is prepared is as follows:

Regular dosa batter is made from rice and split, skinned urad bean (black lentil) blended with water and left to ferment overnight. A modified form of the same batter can be used to make idlis.

Characteristically the rice is very finely ground, more so than in idli batter. Furthermore, the rice to lentil ratio varies in both. The rice can be uncooked and/or parboiled. The urad bean and rice can be replaced with highly refined wheat flour to make a maida dosa or semolina for a rava dosa.

The batter is then ladled in small amounts onto a hot greased tava, where it is spread out into a thin circle and fried with oil or ghee until golden brown. The dosa may then be folded in half and served or rolled as in a wrap, but in both cases it is cooked on a single side. Alternatively, it may be flipped to cook on the other side and then served.

If you could be an animal, what would you be?

dogdeerIf I could be an animal, I would be a dog. Because dog is a faithful animal, its faithful among almost all the animals and its not sneaky and dishonest. So, its well treated by human beings and also its cute & sweet. If I would have been a dog, I can even be treated as  a cop by helping the cops in the investigations of certain cases. Hence, I can be highly respected and also its impossible for people to bring out some evidences into light without their help and eventually dogs are helpful for the government.

Dogs can be trained soon as they are very catchy when compared to other animals. So, I can act in movies and help my master by earning some money in that way and also can be helpful for any disabled or old people when they are in need of someone who can help them while crossing roads, running errands and while doing some things like that.

Dogs are lovable, cool and nice when we pet them, they are very friendly and makes their masters feel that they are being cared and loved. I feel that they are trustworthy then human beings in some aspects as they cannot cheat and remain honest through our their life. They also have emotions as human beings do and can understand our feelings better  sometimes which makes the petters feel that they have a perfect friend. That also makes us forget that its just an animal and we start treating them as a friend or a family member. They love us very much in response to our love.

Describe, in your own words, each of the following films in one sentence:

FLETCHIt’s not all about wacky disguises and goofy aliases. At its core, the film is a top notch mystery thriller.

THE MATRIXConsequences of artificial intelligence taking over mankind, if the development is handled inappropriately.

TRONTron is loaded with the latest visual effects in a medieval epic.

BACK TO SCHOOLEasily Dangerfield’s best movie–for what that’s worth and hilarious.

BETTER OFF DEADBest possible picturization of a convict’s mindset.

Well, this was fun. I’ve never had Dosa, I don’t know when dogs actually become very catchy and I’m sure that Better Off Dead wasn’t about a convict (unless there was actually a meta-movie going on that I didn’t pick up on). Also, I am creeped out to know that my dog, Scott, thinks of me as a “petter” but  thrilled that Dangerfield can rest peacefully knowing that “Thornton Melon” made such a huge impact in Hyderabad. All in all, I’d say the fill-in work done by my virtual assistant was far superior to the work of that little asscrack Billy when he takes over “Family Circus.”

ANNIHILATION's 'Shimmer' and Ending Explained

ANNIHILATION's 'Shimmer' and Ending Explained

Why the Internet is Overreacting About RICK AND MORTY Season 4

Why the Internet is Overreacting About RICK AND MORTY Season 4

Expect Permanent Deaths For AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR

Expect Permanent Deaths For AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR



  1. ngvwgsj says:

    b8Ljjg pvpilwatftbn, [url=]kbfdohxywbps[/url], [link=]vkzcjbqovwvr[/link],

  2. Yauhoooo says:

    Hi, I found your site using Yauhoooo, does your site support Firefox?

  3. JL says:

    I think convict comes into play when he blew up Ricky’s mom.

  4. mackie says:

    whoever came up with outsourcing blogs is homosexual not gay because gay means happy and full of fun

  5. Randbot says:

    Nomads? Come on, Nerdist — the correct answer to “who lives in the Fourth World” is clearly “denizens of Apokolips and New Genesis.”

    …now I really want to see a version of this column where your questions are answered by the Forever People or Granny Goodness…

  6. Rick says:

    Dear Michael LaMere (The Fish),

    In light of the latest blog post, ‘Look for Good News’, I’m trying to be more positive and realize I went for a cheap joke at your expense (the bestiality one above). Sorry for any offense (and for making a shitty attempt at word play humor). It came out much more dickish than I intended.

    Oh, and Hardwick: GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

  7. mackie says:

    I got a frisbee on my back and I can use it to defend or I can use it to attack. whoops i’m off topic. Blogs shouldn’t be outsourced. Damn comnunist fuckers.

  8. Chris Hardwick says:

    I’m aware of it now! Jacobs did such a great job that I probably won’t do this again.

  9. Justin says:

    Not sure if you’re aware of this or just parodying it, but a longer version of this post was written as an article for Esquire by A. J. Jacobs:

  10. RandomKansas says:

    How are you supposed to sexually harass your assistant until she awkwardly gives in to your demands because your her boss and you convince her “this is how its done in the business world” and your “last and probably next assistant will do it” if she is far away in India? You really have to think about these things Chris!

  11. freality says:

    Yes, Michael, we get it – you had sex with your dogs.

  12. Oh yeah, FOURTH world, I screwed that pooch pretty good. Get it, we were talking about dogs and I used the obscure pooch reference. They don’t call me a great thinker for nothin’.

    I’m off to swim in my personal lake of liquid poop. I hear it’s good for the skin.


  13. mike says:

    I outsourced my website design. Philippines. He’s real creative and an insomniac.

    But sorry, Caddyshack is Dangerfield’s best movie. Period. “You buy a hat like that I bet you get a free bowl of soup…. But it looks pretty good on you though”

    Mike at

  14. Chris Hardwick says:

    No no…FOURTH world. The nomads. The turn-over rate is high because they don’t stay in one place too long. They rotate in and out to sit at the tubes.

  15. I agree with the Fletch reference and I wish I could outsource my work to someone who thinks that much about dogs. I look at my dog, Gibson, and just realize he likes to sleep, poop and eat pretty much 24/7. Now my other dog, Fender, is a cute little black Cocker Spaniel which does her stuff inside sometimes. I love that!

    I love how you view third world countries. Like it’s all one large lake of poop and everything smells like your dutch oven under the dogs blanket. Well you’re probably right though, I think the same thing.

    Great blog post.


  16. Tara says:

    You’ve never had a dosa? Dude, they’re so good! They’re like a delicious, less buttery crepe stuffed with Indian yumminess, such as the chutney of your choice. (I recommend tomato.)

    Go have a dosa right now. I’ll wait.

  17. kerry says:

    nice tits, hardwick.

  18. freality says:

    I want my two dollars…convict!!

  19. Chris Hardwick says:

    Damn it! Too bad I can’t virtually fire her for this travesty! Good sleuthing!

  20. Chaunton says:

    Hmmm…I can’t hep but notice that your assistant outsourced a couple of those reviews to Rotten Tomatoes. Circle of Life…I guess. (top left) (bottom right) (Variety review on the left)

    …also, this may be the Better Off Dead in question

  21. felix says:

    I look forward to the day when I am important enough that I can outsource my comments.

  22. Martin says:

    Gawsh Quaranj that’s so racist of your boss. Typecasting Mexicans as uneducated?

  23. capnmariam says:

    Thornton Melon does great with the born-abroad crowd. In phone calls home with dad (from Egypt) and mom (from Mexico) it comes up once a week, without fail. It is also one of the first movies we had on VHS.

    I think it is because of the presence of Kurt Vonnegut.

  24. Quaranj says:

    You skipped Canada and went straight to India for your out-sourcing? THRIFTY! I have worked for U.S. companies here in Canada, and the American bosses called us “Educated Mexicans” whatever that means…

  25. Suhaila says:

    Can I get an assistant to take over my role of being sick so that I can enjoy my vacation?