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New Hard ‘n Phirm Video: CES!

Phirm and I wrote a Hank-Williams, Jr.-Monday-Night-Football-F-16s-Shooting-Lasers-in-the-shape-of-the-Flag-type song to celebrate the 2009 Consumer Electronics Show for G4. It’s pretty nerdy and inside so if you don’t like/get it, no worries a’tall. For the complete line-up of videos from CES coverage goto Thanks to everyone who made CES a blast!

*If you like the song please help yourself to it by right-clicking + “Save As…” here. Then go share it with other nerds!

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  1. Patti says:

    haha, thanks for posting that, Chris. Love it!

  2. Tom says:

    i can’t wait until Fox sinks to new lows and begins to show reality tv shows of the likes of “Lifestyles of the Redneck and Useless” where this line will be entirely appropriate . “Touchscreen for my toilet while I Twitter on the shitter”

    that cracks me up. great work.

  3. mackie says:

    Chris I love the new song.

  4. Sally says:

    What is this crazy monster next to my post?!?
    I like him. I shall call him Gladys.

  5. Sally says:

    Good song, though! It’s always good to hear new HnP stuff.
    And that’s a fine moustache you got there.

  6. Gil Riego Jr.

    I might have that weeping penis thing looked at. Bad things start with weeping. From one “friend” to another. Take care of the penis and it will take care of you. Not sure what that means beyond the obvious, but take it or leave it.


  7. jacob says:

    i meant many things were made in china not vaginas nad one more question do u have a website that has yalls songs on it

  8. jacob says:

    the sad thing about it most of this stuff is true like the things about things made in china and there were a lot of asians

  9. My penis wept with tears of joy.

  10. Lana012 says:

    I absolutely loved it. That was awesome. Can your friend actually play the guitar or is he just faking it?

  11. Tony says:

    I just watched paused my DVR’d CES coverage to let you know how great that video was. “and nothing rhymes with desert” and “there’s a lot of Asians” were the best lines. 10/10 good stuff Chris

  12. tommy d says:

    LOVED it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Love you!

  13. That was really funny. Not a bad voice either. How much auto-tune did you use to reach those high notes, or did you just take advantage of the nut grabbin’ country western tight jeans to sing in the alto range for a little while?

    Great lyrics and for nerds like us, I got literally EVERYTHING you said. It was really good. My friend and I are team a little bit like yours and we do our own songs and a weekly podcast about comic books. I am the only one between the two of us that has any musical abilities and mine are pretty lame in comparison to you guys, but we have had some good compliments from people that we don’t even know.

    Thanks for the laughs. If anyone wants to check out our adults only podcast just go to and look for a podcast called, “Chronic Insomnia” and you shall find us.

    The funny thing is we are the same age as Chris Hardwick, even though he looks like he’s aged about three days since his time on “Singled Out” with Jenny McCarthy. I have to admit, we watched the show for her and not for Chris, but after a while even Chris grew on us, in a completely heterosexual way of course.

    Keep up the good work.


  14. Chris Hardwick says:

    Thanks guys! We actually shot the vid last week. And one nerd questioned whether or not we knew that 1080i is inferior to 1080p. Yes, we were aware. But “1080i” rhymed.

    As requested, here are the lyrics:

    Well I’m packin’ up my gear and I’m headin’ to the desert
    I got some microchips and beer and nothin’ rhymes with desert
    I need OLEDs on my UMPCs
    Cars with LCDs in every place they shouldn’t be
    Quadruple graphics cards for my DSLRs
    I don’t care that there’s no Apples, I got robot guitars
    Consumer E-lectronics! All the crap you can buy
    Touchscreen for my toilet while I Twitter on the shitter
    And a toaster with WiFi
    I got a pile of cash if all yer mem’ry is flash
    Everything I bought last year I done thrown in the trash
    I’ll get a wireless router that I can use on a plane
    And a Blue-Ray converter that plugs right into m’ brain
    12.1 surround sound stereos for your trucks
    That, if you buy ’em at the booth, are only twelve thousand bucks
    Strippers givin’ demos, and seminars, too
    I’ll get a bag o’ swag and some exotic strain of the flu
    Consumer E-lectronics, I’m a hi-fi guy
    Even the vaginas all say “Made in China”
    And I’m seein’ em in 1080i
    For a geek like me there’s no place better to be
    Until next week when I’m a-whackin’ it at AEE

    There’s a lot of Asians.

  15. friggin hillarious. How’d you pull off writing the song, recording it, and making the video so quickly? Wasn’t CES like.. yesterday or somethin? nicely done.

  16. Tony says:

    Chris you can sure pull off that handlebar moustache ;D!
    Awesome vid!

  17. Nathaniel Wedgington Hornswaggle III says:

    The best part for me was “nothing rhymes with desert”. Good job H&P, I look forward to more pantomime.

  18. Shiri says:

    Can you post the lyrics somewhere please?

  19. the best thing i’ve seen all day…and it’s 11:26 so it must be damn good!

  20. Jen says:


  21. celo820 says:

    Awesome and funny video! Great way to start off CES yesterday.