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Episode 321: Nerdist Podcast
Apple Tarts
Nerdist PodcastNerdist Podcast

Nerdist Podcast: Apple Tarts

Hostful fun for the middle of your week! Jonah got a bad haircut, Chris talks about Star Wars, and they play some sound effects!

Artwork by Alan Myers I Website

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  1. Scott says:

    “It ends with boings and farts!”
    “So does everyone’s life.”

    I almost pissed myself when Jonah said that.

  2. Buck Rimfire says:

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE never touch any of those stupid sound-effect buttons again. My second-favorite podcast (Bailey Jay) has been ruined by a fucking air-horn SFX. Am I going to have to quit listening to The Nerdist also? If I have to subsist entirely on The Indoor Kids and This Week in Blackness, I’ll do it!

  3. Michael says:

    Upon reflection, I think what bugged me most about the soundboard was that Matt and Jonah couldn’t hear it, which meant:

    (a) They would (naturally) continue talking while it was playing, and it would generally drown them out, which is just rude.

    (b) They couldn’t react to it, which cuts off a potential source of riffing.

  4. Alwin says:

    I love that duck so much.

  5. When I first listened to Jonah Raydio I wondered how long it would take for CH to kill the person on the soundboard. I did not factor in the possibility of CH running the soundboard. I may or may not have spent time playing with the sound in garage band so I’m the last person to judge. Why does the sound of a hawk make any statement funny?

    The disk problem: I bet the burn session wasn’t closed. This would be why the disk can be read there but not on other machines. I’m not sure of your set up but you should be able to put the disk in and use whatever program was used to record to also close the session. That might be quicker than recording it another device.

    One of my trips to LA I’d love to see where the pod is recorded. It would be even cooler to record an episode of my pod there. #bucketlist

    Poster was dropped off at Nerdmelt. I bought a Nerdmelt T-shirt and cute button.

  6. Great Scott says:

    not to be a diSc, but this might be the craziest nerdist episode i’ve heard. well i actually meant good crazy, but i needed an excuse to say “disc” instead of “dick”.

    to those who have yet to listen – take it from me, this is not an episode to fall asleep to.

  7. gary says:

    I love this episode. Chris with the sound board made this episode into an audio Duck Amok. Good Job Guys!

  8. Trey Price says:

    I misspelled a word in that lsat one.

    And I have to say.. MOAR SOUNDBOAAAARD! love it.

  9. Trey Price says:

    Holy shit. I’ll have you all know that I have completely lost my shit laughing so hard at this podcast. I had to pause it so I wouldn’t hut myself.. I think my coworkers are starting to suspect something.

  10. Johnothan Pedak says:


  11. Todd says:

    How Jonah handled getting a bad hair cut was an incredible display of beta-male cowardice and shouldn’t have gone without scolding. If you don’t like the job someone is doing, be a man and tell them to their face. Don’t tip and then drive away sobbing and calling their bosses to complain. Great show though.

  12. Shan says:

    I really really wanted to scream TAKE THAT FUCKING SOUNDBOARD AWAY FROM CHRIS but I was laughing to hard to breathe… How oh how to they keep being this damn funny!?!?

  13. Patty Marvel says:

    @ThreeToesofFury and @JetpackBlues –

    Good news! I played your requests. Bad news…I tried to speak German. My apologies to Matt Grandis for mangling his mother tongue.

    Playlist is here:

    Handy-dandy week-long archive of show is here:

  14. Taka says:

    Chis has a fucking awesome Girlfriend. How many people can say his girlfriend was sprung from the same loins as the lightsaber?

    I usually love this show, but I do have to admit that after about the 2nd time, I wanted to hit Chris with the soundboard. Very annoying… But, I’m sure I will love the next show I listen to. 300+ shows to one is a hell of an average.

  15. Person says:

    Chris as Overly Attached Girlfriend

  16. Ray says:

    Jonah, I feel horrible about your bad haircut. Especially since I work at the barbershop where it happened. I am so pissed and embarassed that happened to you. I think I know who cut your hair, and he has always been a moron. I’ll punch him in the face for you, don’t worry.

  17. Ross says:

    Cannon? Not Cannon? Why are you discussing whether stories are somehow a morbidly obese QM Productions ’70s private detective, or not?
    “Gee, mister–how’d ya get so fat?”
    “Heh, heh. It wasn’t easy, kid!…”

  18. Patty Marvel says:

    @Three Toes of Fury – I just played “Kids in America” a few weeks ago, but the rest look doable!

    BTW, well done with the troll deflecting in recent weeks.

  19. Three Toes of Fury says:

    @PattyMarvel: You’re a DJ who specializes in 80s tunes?! That is awesome!!! If you havent yet, check out the book “i want my mtv” by marks/tannenbaum..its a realllly well pieced together bit of music history told via interview snippets.

    My clicks to pick for this week:

    Gary Numan – “We are so Fragile”
    Wall of Voodo – “Mexican Radio”
    Toto – “Africa”
    The English Beat – “Mirror in the Bathroom”
    Kim Wilde – “Kids in America”
    Laura Branigan – “Gloria”.

    Peace & Domo Aregato…Mister Roboto

    3ToF, hair feathered, skateboard in hand, heading to to the local record store to pick up some new 45’s..or maybe cassingles?

  20. J-rod says:

    @Chris Hardwick- You, Sir, are a gentleman and a scholar.

    From the other comments on this page, as far as the soundboard goes, it looks like I’m on the wrong side of history.

    Now I know how Alabama felt in the Sixties.

  21. IBeBeffer says:

    that fucking apple making me hungry AT teh start so i NEED to go and get ugh!

  22. Uh-oh. Chris is laughing at sounds nobody can hear. #FirstSignOfTrouble

  23. Stephen says:

    What about the other hostfull?!? WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER HOSTFULL?!?!?!

    So, was it lost or what?

  24. Brian says:

    Steve, do you enjoy apple tarts?


  25. Patty Marvel says:

    @JetpackBlues – Them too. AND if someone wants to hear Bon Jovi on my show, they’re SOL.

    And now for some quality tunes…

    (See how young Stipe and Letterman look!)

  26. Jennifer Davies says:


  27. JetpackBlues says:

    @Patty: Yes, my dear, I know you are. 😉 But I can only (and fortunately) hear you over the intarwebs. And I’m usually out cold while you’re broadcasting.

    BTW, I thought your ‘standard’ was no Mötley Crüe. 😛

  28. Henry says:

    You guys kept me awake and laughing last night while I drove 200 miles to pick up breast milk. I owe you my life. And 40 ounces of breast milk.

  29. Patty Marvel says:

    @JetpackBlues – REMEMBER terrestrial radio? I’m *ON* terrestrial radio…every Saturday morning from 2:00 to 4:00 EST hosting “The Spandex Years,” featuring music from the 1980s that doesn’t suck. Call in your requests to 216-368-2208 (this means you, JPB) as long as it isn’t Journey. I have standards. 😉

    Still have yet to listen to this episode, but the comments have me intrigued…

  30. I’ll drop off a copy of Alan’s art at Nerdmelt. I can ask CH to sign a copy when I see him in NY. This is a well traveled poster (RI to SF to RI to LA to RI to NY to RI to final destination. I know it is the poster equivalent to the traveling pants!!!!!

    I grew to love the episode. Having art work of a fellow Nerdist as the artwork makes it 100% better! Go Alan! Check out his stuff. It is seriously amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I’m using up my exclamation marks for the year here eh? )

  31. JetpackBlues says:

    Reminds me, I should go back and listen to the Star Wars radio dramas. Haven’t heard them since I got ROTJ, and that’s been at least 15 years.

    And I remember hearing Star Wars and Empire broadcast on Public Radio in ’81 & ’83.

    Terrestrial RADIO people, remember that? With an ANTENNA, TUNING a DIAL by HAND and EVERYTHING!

  32. Michelle says:

    with bad haircuts or bad eye brow waxing. (one chick complained about people not tipping her all day and then proceeded to take half my eyebrow off) my husbands response is always this; “the one thing i know about clems hair, it grows.” So say kids in the hall.

  33. RG says:

    If Cannonball ever says that the movies are the only Star Wars canon, I’ll shoot HIM out of a Star Wars cannon.

    (but seriously, Lucasfilm HAS an established canon, and you can believe something that isn’t true if you want, but realize that might send a detachment of Sith Inquisitors to your house if you’re too bold about it)

  34. Gary says:

    Neil Hamburger references make everything better!

  35. @J-Rod: this type of negative feedback I am totally fine with! You didn’t like something, but you weren’t rude about it. I really do appreciate that!

  36. Josh says:

    Benedict Cumwatch. And all the women listening to the podcast just perked up.

  37. Chris, of course button 42 was the sound of bowling. After all, bowling is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything, right?

  38. Brian says:

    Wow, complete FAIL on my spelling of Wynn*** above.

  39. JetpackBlues says:

    @Patty: Di tried to get posters of Alan’s artwork for this episode signed by the guys @ the SF Sketchfest show, just like I had intended to do for us, but it wasn’t in the cards.

    Maybe it’ll happen in the future….

  40. Brian says:


    Wow, LAUGH OUT LOUD FUNNY. Steve win is going to cut your grandmother’s tits off and shove them in your dog’s cock hole.

    Oh my God.