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Neil Gaiman Will Read the Cheesecake Factory Menu If We Raise $500K for Charity

Neil Gaiman Will Read the Cheesecake Factory Menu If We Raise $500K for Charity

Have you ever tried to get through an entire Cheesecake Factory menu? Infinite Jest is shorter than that thing. Historians believe it to be the densest, most difficult text mankind has ever produced. Some theorize the map to Atlantis is contained within it. A Mr. George Monroe of Eau Claire, Wisconsin, claims that the last page reveals where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. But no one has ever been able to confirm that. The point is, the Cheesecake Factory menu is absurd. Totally absurd. Which is why we love and wholeheartedly support this totally absurd–but totally awesome–fundraiser to get Neil Gaiman to read the whole thing.

Writer and comedian Sara Benincasa approached the American Gods‘ author with a deal: If she raised $500,000 for a charity of his choosing, he’d do a public reading of the entire Cheesecake Factory menu. Because Neil Gaiman is a good man who appreciates silliness, he said yes.

Gaiman chose the United Nations Refugee Agency (UNHCR) as his charity, and the goal is to hit that $500k number by World Refugee Day on June 20. There’s still a long way to go; as of this writing the campaign is currently at just under $47,000, roughly nine-and-a-half percent of the money needed to make this happen. So let’s get going, people! If we each sacrificed just one order of chicken pot stickers, this would be done in no time.

But forget raising just half a million dollars. Gaiman has said if they get to one million, he will also do a Dr. Seuss reading. (The menu and a book he’ll read? That is something that we need!) Benincasa has yet to determine when or where the reading would take place, but Gaiman floated a very interesting offer to Audible to make this an event you’ll be able to experience more than once.

Head over to Benincasa’s fundraiser page, make a donation to an amazing organization doing great work for people who need help, and then enjoy one of the most ridiculous payoffs imaginable for a charity event.

Plus, who knows what amazing secrets we’ll find in that menu? And who better to reveal the great mysteries of the universe to us than Neil Gaiman!

What section of the menu do you most want to hear him read? Tell us in the comments below.

Featured Image: Talks at Google/YouTube

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