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My June Wired Article! In the Sweet-Ass New iPad App!!!


The theme of WIRED this month is “How It’s Done,” in which we lay out a simple series of steps for the processes of things like making Cheetos, transporting prisoners, developing Pixar animation and my piece: the crafting of stand-up. Because every comic has their own spin on this I was able to get some juicy quotes from some of my favorite comics like Bob Newhart and Steven Wright along with some of my other favorite comics (who also happen to be my pals) like Paul F. Tompkins, BJ Novak, Louis CK and Zach Galifianakis.

The toughest thing for me with this piece was allowing my stand-up notebook to be photographed. A comic’s notebook is half Tome of Spells and half diary, but like a child’s drawing it only makes sense to the artist. I always fear that if I leave it in a hotel room, whoever finds it is going to misinterpret its disparate ramblings as those of a serial killer’s (I have the words “Grandpa Soapy Handjob” sloppily written down. I have no idea what it means.). I would almost rather have had my penis photographed than my notebook. I think the below picture is the comic’s equivalent to that first Playboy shoot for a corn-fed Midwestern girl–I’m allowing the world to see my soul’s tits.*

Imagine how excited I was to find out that, TODAY, you can now see my idiotic scribblings in the snazzy new iPad app! I saw a mock-up of it at the WIRED offices a couple of months ago, and it beat every expectation I had. The UI is simple yet gorgeous (heavy props to Scott Dadich), and rather than just scanning the print version (like many current iPad-azines) they have thoroughly utilized the medium by giving the reader a more intuitive and interactive experience. Swiping horizontally represents page-flipping and navigates the stories, while swiping vertically gives you the pages of whatever story your on. The x & y of it is incredibly fluid, and really gives you the physical sense of delving into an article.

On top of that, readers can experience supplemental multimedia content, like a 2-minute bit I did about Cracker Barrel which I reference in the piece.

It’s true, nothing can truly take away from the tactile intimacy of flicking glossy, bendable paper between your digits, but the iPad (and soon-to-be other tablets) version gives its viewer a more robust, engaging media experience. Editor-in-Chief Chris Anderson put it best in his digital welcome letter: “WIRED is finally, well, wired.”

The WIRED app is $4.99 and WELL worth it, but you’re also free to flip to page 150 of the analog version if you want to see where my dick jokes come from.

**personally, I think they’re kind of knobby and point in peculiar directions

Images: Wired

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  1. Jim says:

    In the write-ups here on, there are oftentimes bits of text highlighted in green, and clicking on them takes you to related “shtuff” on the web. I am SO glad that “Grandpa Soapy Handjob” was NOT highlighted in green…

    P.S. I subscribe to the paper version of “Wired,” and enjoyed this article in the last issue immensely.

  2. Sean says:

    Guess I’ll pick up the old tree killing version. While it’s a nice piece of technology, I’ll never buy an iPad. I just refuse to live in a walled garden, aka a prison with flowers. I wouldn’t put up with it from AOL, so why would I let Apple be my warden?

  3. Duncan says:

    Meh. For me the iPad version of WIRED won’t be complete until they give it the full condenasty: a superfluous plastic sleeve on every download, push notifications that begin hectoring me to renew when there are 10 months left on my subscription, special advertising sections to which the app automatically opens that don’t swipe the way the other pages do, and a half-dozen blow-in badges that fall out of the app’s icon and litter my homescreen for days. Your piece was nice, though, Chris…

  4. Looking at that note book there, the word that leaps out at me is…


    Tell me you have a bit about 80’s X-Men comics.

  5. Liana S says:

    Ugh, I hate when people give me reasons not to hate the iPad.

  6. Joel Telling says:

    hey, a picture from the Seattle show!

    … the pic is small, so, I can’t tell if that was before or after you “fixed” your zipper.


  7. Johnny Hugel says:

    This is the app that gives me ipad envy. To hear and see clips and animation of what’s being discussed is priceless to me…. And your piece is great. Congrats on being involved in the inaugural issue, it’s only fitting.

  8. Rev says:

    Shoot, looks like my head was cut out of the shot at the Showbox!

    Oh well, good meeting you, sir!

  9. Nicole says:

    “Paul F. Tompkins, BJ Novak, Louis CK and Zach Galifianakis”

    Please tell me these are the next four podcast guests, because that would be scrumtrulescent.

  10. Deltus says:

    Your soul’s tits are strangely arousing, leaving me both engorged and confused.

  11. Skidmark Steve says:

    Just curious as to where you got that notebook.