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Millions of Harry Potter Fans Are Petrificus Totalised That "Half-Blood Prince" Pushed to 2009

The title of this post is just one of the many poorly executed Harry Potter-themed jokes that will be circulating the Interwebs on the heels of this terrible, terrible news (Please feel free to come up with your own crappy Potterism headline for this crappity crap of Hollywood chain-yankery). Not since The Great Bigfoot Hoax of August 2008 has something struck such a deep and sorrowful chord.

In the article I read, the head of Warner Brothers cited a few boring reasons for the shift from November of this year to July of next and also used the term “tent-pole release” a lot. Interestingly enough, John Q. Studiomogul claims that the first of two installments of “Deathly Hollows” is still on for November of that same year, only four months later. Truly 2009 will be the year that J.K. Rowling will be able to construct a thirty story penis out of money, and then build an entire surgical team of giants out of money to circumsize it and pitch the foreskin into the billion dollars she already has.

And don’t forget to check out the trailer for the movie you’ll have wait a year to see!

 

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Comments

  1. Katai says:

    WHAT? Are Harry Potter and Battlestar Galactica trying to fucking kill me?

  2. Casi says:

    I m officially back in harry potter hiatus
    (at least until the movie comes)
    i cant torture myself with more thoughts of harry potter or else i would go crazy with thoughts of how i coulda seen the movie sooner

  3. Ella says:

    Good!
    Now I have time to actually read the book that I bought like 2 years ago!

  4. The Nerdist says:

    A tent-pole is basically a strong brand that performs well and effectively lifts the overall financial performance of the studio as a result of its strength. It’s actually a good analogy but I still find it to be an irritating term.

  5. Michelle says:

    Between the “tent-pole release” business and the money-penis analogy, I feel like I shouldn’t be reading this at work…it isn’t a strong feeling, but it exists. And I agree with Tara – tent-pole release – Que? Nerdist – do tell.

  6. Tara says:

    Excuse me for not being hip to Hollywood lingo, but what is meant by ‘tent-pole’ release? I would seriously love to know the meaning and/or etymology.

    Also, I would recommend to anyone who hasn’t listened to the Potter series on audio book to do so! Jim Dale is the narrator and he is fantastic! My only peeve is that he changes his beautiful pronunciations of particular words to match the bastardized Anglo-Saxon pronunciations in the films. Seriously, though, this guy is amazing and you won’t regret it. It’s a great way to get your Potter fix until 2009 and experience the books in a whole other way.

  7. Oh no. Don’t tell my kids. This is really bad. They’ll have to read all the books like, 6 more times. . .

  8. Casi says:

    WTF?!
    i’ve been waiting for this movie a long time

    that movie was my excuse for not seeing the crapptastic movie based on the crapptastic book, Twilight -_-