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JOHN BATTMAN Is Possibly the Most Realistic BATMAN Ever Depicted

There are times when even we, a site dedicated to everything nerdy, can’t suspend disbelief permanently enough in a comic book universe. We find ourselves putting on a mindset for each particular world and saying “Yes. OK. For the time being, in this world, that guy can do this or has this power. Fine.” But once we’re away from it for a bit, things can sometimes fall apart. Questions surface, like how does Superman not crush every doorknob or human hand he holds? How can Spider-Man‘s powers work through clothes if touchscreen gloves barely work in the real world? Knowing what we know about Batman, why don’t we see him as someone just as crazy as anyone else he fights? Well, for that last one, at least, we have the folks from Cyanide & Happiness to thank for finally showing us what Batman would be like IRL.

In their latest animated short, we’re treated to a commercial for the vigilante crime fighter “John Battman.” Reminiscent of the late-night testimonial TV advertisements from shady lawyers full of bad actors spouting how their services really work, the ad explains that should your city be in need of crime fighting on a budget, you need only contact John Battman. The video sheds light on how crazy the concept of Batman would actually be by hinting at things we all already know are silly. The concept of bad guys being scared by bat-related things more so than just a vigilante, the convoluted traps villains always seem to implement, and (perhaps most damning) the method of calling him to Gotham by “putting a light in a cloud.”

The Bat Signal portion of the short might be our favorite part when we think about all the technology otherwise used by Batman in his adventures. Granted the “Bat Phone” was used for a time but we’ve seen that fall away in recent and more “realistic” Batman movies (Batmen? Batmans?) Clear nights in Gotham have to be the most crime-filled, right?

What’s your favorite part of the short? Did they miss any other silly things the real Batman does? Are you going to refer to Batman’s secret identity as “Broots Waymb” from now on like we are? Let’s discuss in the comments below!

Image: ExplosmEntertainment


How big would John Battman’s cape need to be? We know…

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