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I’m In Die Hard 5 Apparently!


As someone who has enjoyed the supercop antics of John McClane over the years, it pleased me to no end to find out that I have apparently been cast in the fifth installment of the popular Die Hard franchise. I’m not sure how or when this happened–as I’ve never been contacted by anyone involved with the film–but know that I will provide details as I get them!

Yippie Ki-Yay and a heartfelt thanks, Mother Fuckers!

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  1. StuartB says:

    Die Hard 5 – The Big C

  2. I hope you get to kill someone in some inventive way and then say “You’ve been Nerdisted!”

  3. diane says:

    (cont from last post)
    Memo from the “higher ups”: East Germany and Communists are about as dated as Ming the Merciless. Is there any way we can work islamic terrorists or at least North Korea into it?

    I should know better than to comment at work…anyways….

    Congrats Mr. Hardwick. Good luck.


  4. Diane says:

    Dearest Mr. Hardwick,

    Die Hard 5?

    I wish you the best of luck with that.

    Sincerely yours,

    This is why I <3 my husband:

    Roland: What's the plot of DH5? An alzheimer-riddled John McClaine accuses staff at his retirement home of stealing his medication and being a deep cover terrorist splinter cell?
    THE TWIST: They really are, and nobody believes him

    Me: Chris Hardwick is yet another relative of Han Gruber. This way we can play the flash backs from Die Hard 1 &3.
    We can totally write this movie.

    Roland: It practically writes itself!!

  5. GuanoLad says:

    Clearly what’s happened here is they’ve gone back to Kevin Smith, and he said “No, get my buddy to do it instead. You know the guy from ‘Web Soup’?” “You mean Joel McHale? Sure, he’s cool.” And thus.

  6. I know movie is gonna suck because of the lack of Mary Elizabrth Winstead! But having Chris there makes it suck less

  7. smartbunny says:

    That’s German for The Hardwick.

  8. John says:

    i have a feeling the title will include “DieHardwick or……”

  9. Evan says:

    Yippee ki yay mister falcon for the TV version. Big C McClaine.

  10. Livius says:

    Just checked again. Now you’re billed 3rd!

  11. It’s like the IMDB version of 1984.

  12. Brian E. says:

    Amaze Pants!

    Can you get Bruce Willis’ autograph for me?




  13. Chris says:

    Party Hard, Die Harder
    Die Hard or Bust
    Ready, Set, Die Hard
    Dance or Die Hard
    Parting is Such Sweet Die Hard
    Die Hard my Darling
    Swing Low Sweet Die Hard
    Die Hard, with a Smile
    Miracle Day, no one can Die Hard
    Die Hardly

  14. eric says:

    Being the villain would be coolness itself–recall Hans Gruber. They were always the suave, smart ones in the franchise.

  15. anncoultersadamsapple says:


  16. GeekDad Ken says:

    Considering how hard it is to get the IMDB folks to update pages with *real* information (publishers have tried repeated times to get my name added to the in-development GeekDad movie, to no avail), I find it ironic that fake info made it in. OTOH, if you DID get in the movie Chris, I’d TOTALLY go see it!

  17. ryan says:

    it also says you were on zoey 101 and other stuff idk whats true!? looking forward to you in die hard Big C, maybe “Big C” will be your hacker code name. “Big C” also sounds like a crack dealer. I really hope it is the hacker thing, you just wrote a self-help book you can’t go around dealing drugs.

  18. Kyle says:

    Clearly you’ll be some kind of computer hacker, probably European so work on your accents. I imagine the movie will be called something like “Only the Good Die Hard” which oddly enough will be the same name as the porn parody remake.

  19. The producer of Die Hard 5 says:

    You might not know this yet, but you play John McLane’s bumbling sidekick Billy, who’s from the future and part gorilla. It’s a pretty large role, including a sexual encounter with Sumalee Montano. Your role will climax in a death scene in which you fall from an exploding helicopter into a tank of Barracuda’s. Will contact you later this week with the details.

  20. Patti Brown says:

    Cool, and I agree with John Lewis. If they added Weird Al, you two would have two movies together to your credit. haha!

  21. Matt H. says:

    I think it’s time they reboot the franchise. Die Hardwicke: Starring Big C as John McClane, Mirabooey as the wisecracking civilian sidekick and Vajonah as the cottage cheese hating villain. Third act twist reveals that Wells-Fargo is actually pulling the strings. “Yippee Ki yay and enjoy your burrito mother fucker.”

  22. Aaron says:

    I think it’s a coded death threat.
    Excuse me I have to go shopping for a new tinfoil hat.

  23. Randy D says:

    Perhaps you were cast by the same guy who was messing with your credit at Wells Fargo? That mystery guy who is apparently guiding your career unbeknownst to you.

  24. Louis O'Raga says:

    It may be the rubix cube guy.

    I’d check.

  25. Spencer K says:

    You’re playing Timothy Olyphant’s brother, playing mind games with John McClane in order to fool him into thinking you want revenge, but really you’re going to irradiate all the lithium in the world (so no one can make Li-Ion batteries anymore), but really you’re going to steal it all and kill your cohorts. BTW, I’ve never seen any of the Die Hard movies, none of them. That’s entirely my own plot, yup, never seen one of them.

  26. Burke says:

    @Brian – The “dad from Family Matters” name is Reginald VelJohnson. A little respect, if you please.

  27. Ren Höek says:

    I guess I should have made my last comment as Dieter from Sprockets, not as Ren Höek…

  28. Ren Höek says:

    You remind me of one Eddie Munster. I shall like to see you play the role completely covered in sores (abrasions, lesions…)

  29. Jason G says:

    Maybe you’re Kevin Smith’s character’s (“Warlock”) IT guy.

  30. Doug B says:

    Maybe your character name should be “Big C”…

    Just make sure they do a real “R” version this time instead of that Disney version they did last time.

  31. Beth says:

    For a long time I inserted myself into random movies on, all were uncredited extras: crying woman, screaming hooker, etc and were accepted and added. Many other similar sites copied that info so that when I finally got busted my name is still attached to those movies all over the intarwebs.

  32. Josh says:

    You probably play the distant cousin of Timothy Olyphant’s character who’s for some reason butthurt.

    But good news: this also means you get to be the evil character in a classic Disney movie, too.

  33. smartbunny says:

    You sure it’s not your brother “Peter”?

  34. Raven Skye says:

    Awesome! Hope you’re ready to kick some ass Chris!

  35. Livius says:

    Like finding money in the mail.
    Seems to be on your page too.

  36. Sally says:

    The best mysteries are the happy ones. That’s pretty flipping cool.

  37. Tbirch42 says:

    I still havent seen Die Hard 4.. But if this is true, I might just see Die Hard 5. 😛

  38. RobM says:

    Weird that this “Lucy McClaine” character has a name so close to (but not quite!) that of “Lucy McClane”, John McClane’s daughter. Almost makes me wonder if IMDB is unreliable.

  39. John Lewis says:

    Awesome. Now you need to get Weird Al on board to add some street cred to the franchise.

  40. JackyThump says:

    At least your not “rumoured” like that Lisa Ortiz chick, you billing is legit!

  41. Mighty Jeff says:

    So, don’t they pretty much have to put you in the movie now? I mean, it’s on the internet, so it must be true.

  42. Brian says:

    fourth billed… i think you are getting justin longs part, or at the very least, the dad from family matters part

  43. Connor says:

    Is it just me, or does Chris’ picture look like him and Frankie Muinez had a kid?