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Highway Vigilantism Made Easy, Sort Of

My dad, like all dads, used to get very agitated by the bad driving he perceived as plaguing every lane of every road, everywhere. He would fantasize about ways to get even with the drivers who cut him off, or drove 10 miles under the speed limit in the left lane, or made right turns from the left lane (or vice versa). His favored solution was to invent a machine that would, um, well, it would, see, it would fling poo at the offending drivers. How this would work, and specifically where said substance would be stored while awaiting projection, he never quite worked out.

But that was before smartphones. Now, there’s a way to do something about bad drivers. And, yes, it involves the phrase “there’s an app for that,” and let that be the last time that phrase comes up, ever.

Here’s a KTLA/Los Angeles video about the “Drive Me Crazy” iPhone app:

The idea is to type in the license tag of the other car, and it lets you generate a “citation” that’s worthless, but also can post the information on Facebook or Twitter and potentially could let you send it to the cops, too, where they’ll pretty much ignore it, because how can they know you’re a reliable witness? And can’t people report fake incidents just to harass enemies? Besides, if you have to type in the information, how safe is that to do while YOU’RE behind the wheel?

So maybe this isn’t a great idea. Maybe it would be better to just use the video camera in your phone to document the bad driving. You could also just CALL the cops. Or you could do what my father did: Fantasize about getting revenge, but ultimately let it go. It’s better for your blood pressure that way.

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  1. Chris says:

    I fantasize about having a cell phone jammer for those driving horribly while operating a cellular device and for the drivers who just out and out suck; a directional emp… These are the things that I dream of…

  2. matt says:

    I’m thinking the poo-flinger would probably be a tad more awesome, even if it were just a prototype. Please find a way to get your hands on the brownprints for that contraption.

  3. Deltus says:

    I fantasize about having frickin’ lasers installed on my car. Take out their back tires. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!