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Exclusive: Back to School Tips from The TRAILER PARK BOYS

It’s that time of year again. Everyone is going back to school, and it’s an important time in people’s lives as they embark on a new chapter. Going off to college allows many people a new lease on life, the chance to have a fresh start while giving themselves an education that will last a lifetime. But with so many different things to worry about — proper time management, finding the right look, wooing the opposite sex, staying on top of one’s studies — it helps to have some advice from older, wiser people who have been there and done that. Well, the best I could do on such short notice were Ricky, Bubbles, and Julian, better known as the Trailer Park Boys. In honor of the eighth season of their long-running cult comedy series now available on Netflix, I sat down with Ricky (Robb Wells), Bubbles (Mike Smith), and Julian (John Paul Tremblay) to pick their brains for the best advice in order to give yourself a leg up this school year. You’re welcome in advance, freshmen.


Nerdist: What sort of fashion tips would you give people in order to look fresh on the first day of school?

Ricky: I would say that I don’t really like college people – I think they’re a bunch of showoffs – but definitely good hair. Good hair is a good thing to have.

Bubbles: Ricky, you can’t just say, “Good hair.”

Julian: “Good hair”?

Bubbles: It’s a back to school tip! You want to get a nice, new set of clothes.

Ricky: Comfortable clothes. A good buzz on. Definitely take a good buzz on with you.

Bubbles: That’s not…

Julian: That’s not the most important thing when you go back to school, Ricky. You want to make a good impression of yourself to other students. You want to wear something nice — nice shoes, a nice outfit.

Ricky: Also a lot of people that are going to college are dumb and probably shouldn’t be going to college. So when you realize you shouldn’t be there, just get out, go get a job. Like me.

Bubbles: So that’s your back to school tip? Quit. Quit school.

Ricky: Well, if you shouldn’t be there and you’re dumb, yeah. Get out and get a job. Start making money instead of wasting money.



Bubbles: You know, we haven’t done a lot of studying. I mean, have. I got my grade twelve. We didn’t study very much.

Ricky: No. It’s not easy to study when you’re super baked all the time, so I guess if you’re gonna study, maybe not get so baked until you’re done. Maybe celebrate and get baked once you’ve done it.

Bubbles: See, I disagree. When I was in school that would help me study. I would focus straight on the words and they’d go right into my brain.

Nerdist: So, would you recommend flash cards?

Bubbles: Yeah, flash cards is a good time when you’re baked.

Nerdist: So, if you learn it high…

Bubbles: Yes! You’ll absorb it better.

Ricky: And find the smallest, smartest person in the class and sit by them.

Julian: The smallest, smartest person?

Ricky: You can see around them and look at what they’re writing down on tests and stuff.

Bubbles: What if there isn’t a small smart person?

Ricky: You’re probably gonna fail. Or I would have.


Bubbles: Just get some flashy new duds maybe. If I was going out and I wanted to stand out, I’d go retro, get some MC Hammer pants maybe.

Ricky: If you really want to make a statement, you could try no pants. Just walk in, and let it hang — no pants.

Julian: You’re not going to go to school with no pants.

Ricky: Well, if you want to make a statement…

Julian: What kind of statement are you going to make wearing no pants?

Ricky: “This is what it is. This is what I got, how you doing?”

Julian: Why would you do that though? It’s stupid.

Ricky: I don’t know.

Julian: Go to school without pants on?

Bubbles: Ricky, he means like, you know, make a statement like, “Hey, that’s a cool fella! I’d like to hang out with him.” I don’t think people will want to hang out with you with your noodle hangin’ out.

Ricky: All right, it was a bad idea. What would you do, Julian?

Bubbles: Did you ever go to school with no pants on?

Ricky: I did once. I definitely made a statement.

Julian: You don’t even know what statement means.

Ricky: Neither do you, so shut up.

Julian: What does it mean? Statement.

Ricky: Oh, you think you know everything?

Julian: You don’t have a f–king clue what statement means.

Ricky: You’re dumb.

Julian: You’re dumb.



Nerdist: A lot of people take the college experience as a time to reinvent themselves. What’s a cool nickname you could try to make stick?

Ricky: Trainwreck? Nah, maybe not.

Bubbles: What was the question? I totally zoned out there.

Ricky: Cool nickname.

Bubbles: They used to call me Flash.

Julian: Who called you Flash?

Ricky: Yeah, who?

Bubbles: Oh, lots of people. Just cause I was so quick back then. I was on the track team.

Julian: You were on the track team? Bubs, you’ve never been on a f–kin’ team in your life.

Ricky: That was Melissa that nicknamed you “Flash”, and it wasn’t because you were fast at runnin’. You were fast at somethin’ else, way too fast.

Bubbles: I can get down fast, yes. Like a sewing machine.

Julian: You talkin’ about bangin’?

Bubbles: Maybe.

Julian: Bubs, you’ve never banged. Ever.

Bubbles: Yes I have!

Ricky: What’d be another cool nickname besides Flash?

Bubbles: I don’t know. What’d they used to call you, Ricky?

Julian: “Stupid”.

Ricky: Nope, no they didn’t. They called me “Smart Guy”, but I don’t remember what the other nicknames were. “Fire”. They called me “Fire”.

Bubbles: “Smart Guy” was your nickname for a while?

Ricky: Yep, that was what they called me for a bit…

Julian: And “Fire”.

Ricky: And “Fire”…because I burned the gym down.

Julian: That’s a great nickname, Rick.


Nerdist: What’s your best piece of dating advice as people enter the new school year?

Julian: Date strippers. They’re cool. If you’re dating other women, banging other women — strippers are cool. If you can find a stripper, keep her.

Ricky: Bubblegum.

Julian: Bubblegum? What the f–k you talkin’ about? Bubblegum? That has nothing to do with the question.

Ricky: Well, if you smoke a lot, you should carry bubblegum.

Julian: We’re talkin’ about bangin’ chicks; we’re not talkin’ about bubblegum.

Ricky: Finger exercises.

Julian: As in fingerbanging?

Bubbles: Ricky…you can’t talk about doin’ finger exercises while you’re getting ready for the school year.

Nerdist: Well, you don’t want your hand to cramp up while you’re writing an essay.

Ricky: That’s right.

Julian: No, he’s talkin’ about fingerbanging.



Bubbles: Get a watch, first of all. That’s always number one. Get a watch so you can tell the time.

Ricky: And learn how to read it.

Bubbles: It’s just a clock, Ricky. It’s a little wrist clock. You can read a clock, can’t you?

Ricky: What about that thing where there’s like a whole month on a page?

Julian: Calendar.

Ricky: You can plan stuff if you had one of those, I would say.

Julian: It’s a f–king calendar. That’s a given.

Bubbles: I should just teach you how to use a sundial, Ricky.

Julian: He doesn’t know how to tell time on a watch. Big hand, little hand — did anybody teach you that, Rick?

Ricky: The digital ones are easy. They just have the numbers, you know exactly what time it is.

Bubbles: Just like Flavor Flav.


Nerdist: The school year may just be starting, but people are already looking forward to spring break. Where should people be planning their trips this year?

Bubbles: Wherever they make those Girls Gone Wild videos. That’s where I’d be heading. Boobs. Everywhere.

Ricky: Yeah, or a place where smoking whatever you want is legal. That’d be good.

Bubbles: That’s not really a spring break destination though, is it?

Ricky: It should be – I don’t know.


Nerdist: What would be inside your ideal burrito?

Bubbles: That’s a great question.

Ricky: Meat.

Bubbles: Depends on are you high or are you not high? If I was high, I’d have different things in my burrito.

Ricky: Pretend you’re high. Extra cheese, meat…

Bubbles: Gummi worms.

Ricky: Gummi worms?

Bubbles: You’ve never had gummi worms in a burrito?

Ricky: No, that sounds actually f–ked. Maybe good, but f–ked.

Bubbles: Bologna. Slow-fried bologna, mustard, gummi worms.

Ricky: Maybe a bit of honey mustard or barbecue sauce. Pepper.

Bubbles: Chocolate bars.

Ricky: Onion.

Bubbles: Peanut butter cups.

Ricky: Bubs, that’s getting really sweet.

Julian: That’s a f–ked up burrito.

Bubbles: You just wait until you try it. Then I’d take chips and crush them up to make it crunchy.

Julian: There’s no f–king way I’d eat that burrito. It sounds disgusting.

Ricky: Onion rings would be good. Donair meat.

Bubbles: I bet you those Epic Meal Time fellas would make that for us.

Ricky: I’m hungry. You could get like an In-N-Out burger and put that in a burrito. I bet that’d be good.

Bubbles: Why wouldn’t you just eat the In-N-Out burger? Why would you jam it in a burrito?

Ricky: Because this is about making a delicious burrito.

Bubbles: Oh…

There you have it, folks: words to live by…or not.

Trailer Park Boys Season 8 is now available on Netflix, and you can catch the guys in Swearnet starting on September 12.

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  1. Guy says:


  2. Damn you, internet. No video. Making me read.

  3. Bobandy says:

    That was fucked.

  4. matt says:

    I don’t know about anyone else but am i the only one reading this in their voices in my head?

  5. I’m not sure how many other people live in the Venn diagram intersection of “Trailer Park Boys fans” and “Nerdist fans,” but I sure do. I loved all this excellent and timely advice. 😉