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Definitely Real Slate of Upcoming STAR WARS Films Announced

The folks at Disney and Lucasfilm know we can only be satiated by repeated viewings of The Force Awakens for so long before we revolt in frustrated nerd rage waiting for the next Star Wars film. We need answers to big questions like who are Rey’s parents? What is the real deal with Snoke? How often did Maz Kanata go looking around Cloud City for severed hands? And where in the hell is Lando! Yet our needs didn’t stop them from announcing that Episode VIII will be delayed, and you better believe they can already feel the pressure building.

A Star Wars film every year they said, but how can they can be trusted! How can we be sure they won’t push back Rogue One also? Or the Han Solo movie? We need purpose in life and we want to go to the Tosche Station now!

So before things get ugly (like Gragra ugly), Disney has taken the bold step of announcing titles and release dates for their entire slate of Star Wars anthology films. They are ambitious, they are intense, and they are definitely all, like, totally legit.

We don’t want to spoil too much, because that would be like telling a kid what all of their Life Day presents are right before they open them, but let’s just say we are ready to meet literally every rogue in the galaxy. Oh, and if they wanted to whet our appetites, dangling a little pork-ins front of us certainly helps us “hold it” together.

The last film, though? It would be really nice if they used the money they make from it to pay off the country’s national debt. Plus put the remainder in the bank for us. Plus buy us all a house.

So, five years filled with romance, action, sequels, prequels, and no time to complain about waiting for the next one. This doesn’t excuse them for pushing back Episode VIII, but it does ease the pain. A little.

Which totally real/definitely happening film are you most excited to go see? Tell us in the comments below.

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