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A Full Breakdown of How an ALIEN Xenomorph Would Wear a Hat

A Full Breakdown of How an ALIEN Xenomorph Would Wear a Hat

Sometimes LV-426 and LV-223 align perfectly, and the internet gives us something that feels like it was created solely for us here at Nerdist. For instance, the latest probing question to make its way across social media: How would the Alien movies’ notorious monster, the Xenomorph, wear a baseball hat?

It’s a deeply important question brought to horrifying, reality-questioning life by artist Ed Harrington. Obviously we take this seriously and have many thoughts on the matter, so let’s break it down!

Style 1 style-1

PROS: Neatest, most normal look of the five, since it sits on the middle part of the head. Best choice for any Xenomorph trying to be taken seriously as a baseball manager.

CONS: Would require walking around all day like you’re Carmen Miranda. Too much effort to try and look normal, which is foolhardy anyway since you’re a gross, horrifying space demon.

Style 2

style-2

PROS: Would provide shade for your eyes, and would also be the best option for the poker table. Easily the coolest look, like a chill grandpa sleeping in his hammock.

CONS: With so much bending over to attack much smaller humans, it would constantly fall off. Would have to uncomfortably hook it under the forehead to get it to stay on.

Style 3

style-3

PROS: Hats should rest on the back of your head, so it makes the most sense logically. Would also be the only place to wear it backwards, Ken Griffey Jr-style.

CONS: Looks like someone put it on you as a prank, like the back of your head is a coat rack. Would also fall off just as easily as Style 2, while being both much harder to reach and totally useless.

Style 4

style-4

PROS: Only option that does the real job of a hat by protecting your entire head. Wouldn’t fall off when attacking Ripley. Looks like an actual Xenomorph hat and not a human hat that a Xenomorph put on as a lark.

CONS: Only available through custom order, making it cost prohibitive. Would be a pain to put away. Really brings attention to your over-sized dome.

Style 5

style-5

PROS: Cheapest option and the most whimsical. Takes the edge off when you unleash your inner jaw, telling your prey you have a sense of humor.

CONS: Would always be slimy and gross. Your tongue isn’t your head, and tongues don’t get hats. Could be easily swallowed.

So which gets the nod? There’s not a clear winner in the group, but there are clear losers: 3 and 5 aren’t practical and look dumb.

Style 1 seems most normal, but would fall off any time you slightly tilted your head, and Style 2 would be useful and look good, but would also fall off a lot. So 4 is the winner.

Yeah, it’s huge and ridiculous. But you’re a Xenomorph–what do you care? Why are you even wearing a hat? You must have a reason, so pick the most reasonable option–the only style that performs the real job of a hat.

But are we wrong? Did we miss something? Tell us in the comments below.

Featured Image: 20th Century Fox
Images: Ray Navraez Jr./Twitter

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