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911: The New Sex Chat

“911?! Help!!! 40 million passengers are trapped in my balls I have to get them out!”

Now everyone knows the face of the guy who was didn’t have enough rollover minutes to tug one out. SADLARIOUS.

PS – News people are humorless.

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  1. sam says:


  2. Alan says:

    maybe pull your pants down? smooth operator

  3. Jenny says:

    Hmm…yeah, I prefer to just comment on blogs and contemplate the first Lady’s rear (*actual word used was more offensive*) when I’m a lonely loser who can’t get any.

  4. Charlie says:

    ohh sir, you bring shame upon all of us Tampanians. Why sir, Why?

  5. Deltus says:

    If only there were some medium available where a person could go for their fapping needs… some international medium where you could get your jerk on involving auditory or visual stimulii… maybe you could hook a computer up to it or something…

    What is it with brain dead douchebags and Florida anyway? Only state with it’s own Fark tag. There’s a reason.

  6. Mike says:

    “You got a nice butt?” HaHa That dude sucks at dirty talk. Maybe his new cellmate can teach him how it’s done.

  7. Jessie says:

    I lied. That picnic table dude was from Ohio. I feel better about life now.

  8. Chief says:

    Wow, this is the old chris hardwick from Singled Out? Man, have times changed. At one point you were somebody. You probably could have had any pussy around, now you’re a pathetic shell of your former self. You’ve gotten fatter, balder, and look worse than Michelle Obama’s asshole. I feel sorry for you. Drugs are bad, mmmmmkay?

  9. Jessie says:

    Why is it these people are ALWAYS from Florida?! This is right up there with the guy going at it with his picnic table in his front yard.. Also from FL.

  10. Patti says:

    Oh, wow. Ok, talk about desperate! hehe, I love your caption for this, Chris!

  11. Jadzia says:

    That anchor on the right found it amusing, it seems, haha. I love that they had to show us a cell phone dialing 911, lest we don’t get the full effect…

    I used to work the night shift at an inbound call center. It was operator-assisted paging, long before cell-to-cell texting became the norm. Our prank callers were also pretty sadlarious. Any female voice would do, even high-pitched men’s voices would get these sickos off. Made for some pretty funny stories, though. A couple of FEMALE operators actually got fired for going along with it.

  12. Jaime says:

    My friend is a 911 operator, and he gets weird calls all the time… but this? This is hilarious. And so sad.

  13. Nate says:

    So close! From “WTFS”

  14. Hunter Boone says:

    That anchor on the right is a complete douche. But the video was funny 🙂

  15. smartbunny says:

    Is this “calling 911 for dumb reasons” thing a new phenom or has this always happened? “My fries are cold! Burger King is out of Diet Cherry Coke! My husband has been stabbed!”