There is something visceral and… oh, I don’t have to explain it to you. It’s shredding everything! Paper? Hah! This makes short work of… sanitary pads? Sneakers? Fruit and vegetables? Okay, it’s not like they’re destroying trucks or anything like that, but this beats the hell out of my office shredder, which chokes on thick envelopes. Plus, even the soft stuff looks cool when it’s being consumed by the metal gears. Really, I want one of these things. Hey, we need to clear some space in the Nerdist Enterprises office… can we borrow it?