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Episode 98: You Made It Weird
Bret Ernst
You Made It WeirdYou Made It Weird

You Made It Weird #98: Bret Ernst

Bret Ernst (Comedy Central Half Hour, Vince Vaughn comedy tour, comedy!) is such a unique and hilarious story, you won’t believe it. Enjoy such a classic guest and tales of a squirrel that has sex with human people. GET INTO IT, WEIRDOS!

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  1. Amanda says:

    This was the absolute greatest (listening for the second time)! I can’t believe all these ridiculous comments! Grow a pair? How about you wash the sand out of your vaginas?!?! These comments are the epitome of what is wrong with America today. I’m soooooo glad I don’t live in California!!!!

  2. tzvi says:

    Bret sounds whiney, and hack.

  3. M says:

    Just caught up with this one and…I’m pleasantly surprised that there are so many comments calling out Ernst’s behaviour. It just reeks of privilege. I don’t think I’ve ever been more offended and uncomfortable listening to the show–I guess I’m just weak! Ha ha. Such a ridiculous way to dismiss people’s opinions and gaslighting those who are currently oppressed.

    If we weren’t living in a rape culture, you’d probably get away with those jokes. So maybe work on ending that first. Also, if someone has survived a rape I’d say they’re pretty fucking strong. Regardless of whether they find rape jokes funny or not.

    Pete, thanks for having Ernst on the show. If anything I know now to avoid him forever.

  4. Dan says:

    Bravo, Bastien and friends. You said it.

    -Bret Ernst and other dudes like him

    Seriously, the “P.C. Police” being an oppressive force? And then turning around and literally using the “I have black friends so I can say whatever I want” defense, and you have the balls to call OTHER people weak? Dude, even your copouts are copouts.

    Pete, you’re great but grow a pair. It’s your show; when someone spouts offensive idiocy, tell them to grow up and fuck off.

  5. Poopines says:

    @Laura-Teeheehee! You are funny!

  6. Laura says:

    Rape jokes are ok IMUHO, but maybe I just think that because I was lucky enough to get away in time? ( Every 2 minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted, and that don’t be countin’ all the attempted rapes)
    Tone and intent really are everything though, and I really only appreciate slut shaming if I specifically request it, not so much coming from the male/white privilege vantage point.
    Still, Free Podcast! <3 YMIW w/ PH!!

  7. Bret says:

    Hey, I appreciate you guys listening, and I’ve found all of your comments very interesting. Some of you, however, are looking waaaaay to deep into this. I asked Pete if it would be okay to post a phone number on here, it’s 818 850 7748. My podcast is being launched on ELECTION DAY, and you can watch it live at It streams live so we can talk live, all I ask is that you be civil. I’m going to address some of your comments on here, some I find to be ridiculous, and true in some aspects. All of your opinions are and will be respected. Im going to read some of these, and I would want to offer an opportunity for some of you to explain what you mean, and also comment. Just for the record, some of my best friends don’t see eye to eye, some of which will be in the studio, but we do love a good discussion. I’m looking forward to hearing from some of you…btw, my co-host is an atheist, and we disagree on everything, should be fun. It’s going to launch @10pm Pacific time on TUESDAY, NOV 6th and stream live, at Thanks again for all the love and hate!

  8. Robin says:

    27 minutes in, and I find this too off-puttting to continue. I am growing weary of conversations about women and rape and political correctness from this point of view: two privileged white dudes telling me how to feel about rape. This is one of my favorite podcasts, so I am super bummed that I have to say this AGAIN.

  9. Lisa says:

    You wanna see a perfect example of how anything can be joked about? Here’s Hampton Yount doing an incredibly funny bit about rape. In Sarah Silverman’s book, she talks about how anything can be funny in the right light, and I agree with her. There’s a right way and wrong way to make things funny. Hampton is doing it right, and comedians who go to the “rape is bad therefore funny” (ex. Daniel Tosh recently) are doing it very, very wrong.

  10. Ham says:

    James: I’m not saying there is no such thing as male/white privilege. The reason I mentioned the neighborhood I live in was to highlight that a lot of white people live in low income neighborhoods and never attended college, so we’re not privy to the arguments about sex/race privilege, and are mainly focused on working hard to better our position in life. I think you’re overlooking a large part of your own privilege by assuming that all white people who don’t agree with you have had the time to pore over in-depth social criticism. So instead of just dismissing everyone who disagrees with you as misogynists and racists, why don’t you share your argument about rape jokes contributing to “rape culture”, or why racial jokes are a bad thing. I was under the impression that joking about taboos takes the bite out of it, and allows for a more open discussion about those ideas… If everyone is afraid of being called a misogynist/racist, then it’s safer to just never bring up those issues at all.

    I know it’s not your job to educate anyone, but so far all you’ve done is shout at people without changing anyone’s opinion.

  11. Poopines says:

    I’m still not convinced that anything should be off limits in comedy.
    Sometimes a joke/bit can be thought provoking or mind opening.
    Even a rape joke. The Daniel Tosh rape thing actually lead me to read some awesome feminist articles that I might never have read.
    I can’t be the only one that experienced that.
    A note on privilege: I never heard the term white privilege until I was about 30. I think college educated folks assume that everyone has heard of white/male privilege. All you privileged, college educated people gotta share that shit, but try not to be condescending

  12. James says:

    Classism isn’t racism. There’s lots of different kinds of bad stuff. You’d do yourself and everyone around you to understand it better.

    I do see my privilege. I have all the privileges. I’d like whites/males to stop pretending it doesn’t exist. It’s not an insult, it’s just the shit people say when they don’t recognize it. Like this that you said “I don’t know why these people in the comments are going on about white privilege… Bret Ernst mentioned that he had to deal with something called “cracker knockout day”… But I guess he was “privileged” to have to deal with that?”
    That’s some kind of missing the point.

    With this, I was mainly talking about male privilege. Two comedians promoting misogyny and slut-shaming is suuuuuch super extra male privilege garbage. I’m not campaigning to remove his right to say it on stage, I’m not trying to end his career. I’m just pointing out that that kind of opinion is mean and harmful. I don’t \like it, I don’t think anyone else should, I’m just saying,

    And Pete pretty much just has everyone on the show coming from the same place.

  13. Ham says:

    I just wanted to say I really liked this episode. Bret Ernst wasn’t at all what I was expecting when I heard the description “Man’s man”. Hearing how his family dealt with homosexuality was pretty heart-warming. I’m an atheist, but I grew up in a Christian household, and I agree with a lot of what Bret Ernst had to say about Christianity… Not every Christian is a member of Westboro, and I don’t think treating them like they are benefits society at all.

    I don’t know why these people in the comments are going on about white privilege… Bret Ernst mentioned that he had to deal with something called “cracker knockout day”… But I guess he was “privileged” to have to deal with that? All you people going on about white privilege need to ask yourself this: how many gunshots did you hear while listening to this episode? If your answer is zero, then *you* are the one unable to see your own privilege. Stop labeling every white person who doesn’t agree with you as a racist, misogynist.

    And yes, I did hear gunshots while listening to this episode… but I suppose that’s just because I’m so goddamned privileged to live in a horrible neighborhood.


    Pete: I am going back through all the episodes, because I really enjoy this podcast. Thanks for making it available for free.

  14. Alec says:

    “But how many people has Todd hurt?”

    This is where I had a fundamental disconnect I with Bret. Since no one has led a perfect life, no one is allowed to complain? Saying anything he wants is freedom of speech, but someone else’s speech criticizing him is PC censorship?

    At some points, it feels like he almost gets it. He had a gay brother, and supports gay marriage. His dad committed suicide, and so he’s aware of mental health issues. But then he seems to step back and justify those positions with a blood-is-thicker-than-water argument instead of pinning it to a broader sense of social justice.

    Then he repeatedly falls back on some weird mix of social darwinism and biotruths to prop up positions he doesn’t actually want to explain or defend.

  15. James says:

    There’s no disconnect. We get it, you aren’t really claiming to be a rapist, but no one gives a shit. Every shitty mancomic does it nonstop. They’re joking about rape like it’s not a problem. It isn’t far off from “wouldn’t it be ridiculous if I actually believed people got raped?” to a crowd of people who might get raped that night, and many who already have been along with people who rape, and hear your joke as “yeah, see! It’s just like a jokey thing, no one takes it seriously. It’s NORMAL.”
    And then on top of that there’s the fact that you’re defending the most overused hacky open mic loser joke I’ve ever heard 8,000 times. HEY! RAPE! RAPE IS HORRIBLE AND THEREFORE FUNNY! RAPE!
    A little bit of truth about how you actually think about things is way more acceptable to a lot of people (though even the ones with zero-rape-joke policies aren’t something I can say I disagree with). What I mean is there’s a reason people don’t shit on Louis CK, he’s saying stuff he thought of and he doesn’t ever say if it’s good or bad. He doesn’t defend himself, and he explains that his joke is just bad. When he had that guy (I forget) explain the meaning of the word “faggot” on his show

    But that’s not what we’re talking about with Pete and Bret here. He said he regrets his grape joke and I don’t think he tells it on stage, he probably just does it when he’s in the car with Kumail talking about what their dicks think about everyone and calling their black friends the N-word, or whatever he was alluding to.

    Pete was like “hey, let’s hear your great slut-shaming joke.”
    And Bret was like “Oh you mean the one where I just define slut-shaming and say that it’s something everyone should just accept?”
    And Pete goes “yeah, that’s great! You’re so great.”
    Yeah, that was a civilized If Pete’s moral compass didn’t always point to his own dick, he might have been a real “nice guy of comedy” and pointed out that women are people and if Bret’s going to get all defensive and shit about women, it’d be cool if he wasn’t a fucking hypocrite about everything. This is a funny comic and an honest comic. This is how he really thinks about things. “Telling it like it is” as he said.

    The reason I want to shit on what this guy believes in is because it’s such bullshit: he’s clearly very honestly trying to tell women what to do, and then when anyone says something about how fucked that is, he attacks them for questioning him. Like being able to tell a joke somehow makes you immune to any criticism, when that is all you are doing to the public. Crying about someone pissed at you is soooooooo fucking lame.

    Yeah, I still like Pete and he’s doing a great show and I enjoy it every time. But I don’t see any reason not to expect as much from the comedy world as we do regular society. I know neither is going to deliver on not using hate speech against minorities. I say worse things without thinking than he does, and he’s able to express some degree of conflict over the shitlordery sometimes even though he’s a grown man that doesn’t want to know what racism and misogyny are and won’t check his privilege.

  16. Jon says:

    The problem with rape jokes is that too often the comic and the audience are on different planes. They’re not hearing it in the context of who the comedian really is, they only take the joke at face value. The comedian is really saying “Wouldn’t it be ridiculous if I actually believed this?” but the audience only hears “I BELIEVE THIS.” That disconnect seems to be where the controversy lies.

    The idea that we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about things even if they are uncomfortable is the very spirit of this podcast. I don’t really understand how someone could be a fan of the show, but also shit on somebody for talking about what they believe. Why not try to engage in a civilized discussion about the topic instead of just rejecting the guy as a “TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING”?

    Anyways…Good episode, Pete.

  17. Josephus T. Failure says:

    I wish to add my voice to James and Bastien’s courageous comments. I say “courageous” because I made similar ones a while back and invited, as expected, the usual aggro nerd-bro anger (as well as a fair bit of sympathetic support). Holmes suggested he would try to make the podcast less of a misogynyfest, commenters said: “Fuck you, listen to another podcast if you have any problems with how this one goes,” and then nothing changed. In some ways, it has become worse. I no longer listen, cuz I think Holmes has showed us who he is, and as the saying goes, we should trust him.

    I never had any dog in this fight. Don’t know the guy, don’t care about him, bored of comedy dudes and their self-absorption generally. But wanted to comment to say: yes, lots of us hear this rape-joke defensiveness and fratboy douchebaggery and conclude–these people are hateful, narcissistic monsters. Seriously. Okthxbai.

  18. James Etchison says:

    Bastien nailed it.

    This guy is all privilege, just like Pete. But he wants to take the firm defense of his gender bullshit.

    Free speech is a legal thing. When people yell at you for being shitty, it’s not a legal thing, it’s a thing that keeps shit out of society that only kinda works sometimes. That’s how we used to get white people from saying nigger and making rape jokes in public places.

    This PC Police I keep hearing about looks a lot more to me like some women who don’t like rape culture being perpetuated or having men telling them what to do, some LGBTQ people who want to just be who they are, and some people who are sick of racism. Yeah, even some white people don’t like racism. But fuck them right?

    This made me wish this guy wasn’t such a good comedian, because
    the bullshit level made me pause this and take a walk.



    Bullshit, nonstop bullshit.

  19. Poopines says:

    The great Tig Notaro has a rape joke.

    I think it’s a slippery slope to try to make any topic off limits in comedy or discussion. I think the joke Bret tells about his dad’s suicide shows you where he’s coming from. I’m an irreverent type of person so I’m posting a link to this:

    Note to Pete: Grapist has been done before in 2002

  20. bastien says:

    If you REALLY want to make it “weird”, Pete, then instead of having on more and more comedians who defend rape jokes and further rape culture, have on a rape survivor and see how they feel about it.

  21. bastien says:

    For the sake of argument let’s say you’re right and people who get offended ARE weak.

    Just because someone might be weak, that still doesn’t give you the right to be a hateful prick. On the contrary, if you were a decent human being, you’d see weakness as an opportunity to be sensitive to their problem and to help create a world where survivors don’t have to walk around with their fingers in the ears in hopes that some heartless jerk triggers memories of their traumatic experience all for the sake of a few laughs.

    Being offended by something like a rape joke doesn’t make a person weak, it makes them someone who doesn’t want to live in a world where rape culture is something to laugh about.

    But if you have to resort to making heinous rape jokes to get a laugh, then you are a weak comedian. And a terrible human being.

  22. Poopines says:

    I loved the show as always, Pete. I eagerly await each new release.
    I did feel moved to comment (first time ever) because of the slut shaming joke.
    You should share with Bret the term shoveldick (shovel-dick?) and explain why the penis is built like a plunger.
    Keep it crispy, lady fuckers!

  23. Jay says:

    I think the word you were looking for was “polarizing” regarding Bret’s views? Great episode!

  24. Roman says:

    omg! Pete Holmes replied to me (i’m sure you’ll love this statement, lol).

    Bret was great! I genuinely think he is a good person, and would want him on my side in any fight!

    Also I think the whole “who has been killed in the name of argument” is just a moot argument when discussing if there is/is not a God. Shitty people do shitty things, and will find an excuse to justify their actions always.

    i know many people are on the finding the “truth” quest (including myself), but i think its important to understand how you can decide what is, and what is not likely to be true. In my opinion its skepticism, but in theJames Randi sense, not the moon hoax people. A good podcast to checkout with pretty dry humour is The skeptics guide to the universe. I suggest you check it out!

  25. Pete Holmes says:

    Interesting, Roman! As I said on the show, I lacked the historical knowledge to really talk about that stuff, but I’m glad to read your findings here. Thanks for listening, weirdos, and for the good words! Bret was great.

  26. Lisa says:

    Fascinating, wonderful episode, as usual. Pete, it’s been incredibly interesting to listen to your transformation as a man over the past year. You should be really proud of yourself, and this podcast. Oh, and looking forward to the Paul Scheer episode, too! I hope you ask him about The League and/or Nick Kroll, and Jason Mantzoukas. Exciting!!

  27. Roman says:

    Really good episode.

    Just want to clarify a few things though because the revisionist history is quite alarming.

    Hitler was not an atheist…. I hear this so often from people (especially from catholics) in this “killing in the name of something argument. ”

    He was catholic. endorsed by the pope. their belt buckles said “Gott mit uns”(god with us). There are many religious statements made in mein kampf including “Hence today I believe that I am acting in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator: by defending myself against the Jew, I am fighting for the work of the Lord.” So please people stop lying in order to try to pretend like Hitler wasn’t a christian, it’s pathetic.

    On to Communist Russia. this idea that you can compare the crusades to what Stalin did is just dishonest.

    The crusades were in the name of christianity. the definition of the word includes “religiously motivated effort: a war or campaign that is religiously motivated, e.g. one with papal sanction”

    Stalin killed many people, and was a horrible person, but it wasn’t in the name of Atheism, it was in the name of his authoritarian ideology and need for power. He killed any dissenters, and perceived religion (among other organizations) as a direct threat to his rule.

    It’s really concerning to see people try to create a revisionist history, but its even more concerning when people just parrot what they’ve heard.

  28. Brandon McInnis says:

    What a fantastic episode! IMO, Bret is a dude that has his priorities checked and head on straight. Love that talk. I love Burr too, and I could tell he was friends with BB even before he mentioned it. Cut from the same cloth. Keep it up Pete, this is a really great podcast, … Zach G show was so good too.